


Claws and Effect: The Adoption of Karkat Vantas

by Leticheecopae



Category: Homestuck, petstuck - Fandom
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Romantic inklings, Slight Violence, Swearing, The romantic inklings are not with the pets, silliness, slight animal abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-07-18 05:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leticheecopae/pseuds/Leticheecopae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas does not want a pet. Hell, he has a hard enough time trying to take care of himself, his Lusus, and his hive. So why won't this purple-blooded fuzzy nightmare leave him alone? And why the hell does everyone keep insisting that he's been adopted? Trolls adopt sub-ternians, not the other way around...right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unfurtunate Events

**Author's Note:**

  * For [catharticEscapism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/catharticEscapism/gifts).



> This story is for the lovely catharticEscapism. As just a quick background, the story is all trolls and troll dancestors, with the human children included as trolls or sub-ternians (the ‘Pets’). This has been a lot of fun to write for!

The sun is coming up and Karkat is still a few hours from being finish. The new attachment to his hive has been coming along slower than he had planned, and it’s pissing him right the fuck off. 

“Come on, line up damn it.” The two by four that he is using to cover up the underside of the porch absolutely refuses to do what he’s asking. Whether it’s because he’s half dead with exhaustion, or because he fucking cut something wrong again, he’s not sure. He is sure about one thing though; this board does not get to live.

“Alright, if that’s how you want to work, let’s see how your unstained, low grain finish likes this!” Karkat raises the board up and brings it down on the side of his almost finished porch. He waits for the board to splinter in half and send shards of itself flying about like a fresh, refreshing rain that will quench his rage and let him finally relax enough to go inside.

Instead the board decides to be an asshole.

“Fuck!” Karkat’s voice ricochets off the house as painful vibrations rush up his forearms and into his shoulders. Even with his gloves on he can feel the bite of vivacious splinters pushing into his fingers. He drops the demon board and stumbles away from the almost finished project. 

“Skkkkkreeeeeeeeee!?” Comes from within the house.

“I’m. Fine.” He calls between gritted teeth. The tone of voice tells his lusus that no, no he’s not ‘fine’. Karkat prays that he remembered to put the frozen reciprocal packs back in the sub-temperature meal-vault because god damn it this hurts.

“Skra?” Karkat’s lusus, Crabdad, pops his head out of their doorway and cocks his skull to the side.

“I said I’m fine,” Karkat bites out as he starts to climb his new, mostly even, staircase onto his half finished porch. His arms currently feel like undercooked pasta; wiggly on the outsides and hard right down the center.

“Skree?” 

“I’ll finish it tomorrow,” he snaps. “Fucking thing almost busted my marrow tubes.”

Crabdad narrows his small black eyes as Karkat comes through the door. “Ska-reee.”

“Like anything’s going to take up residency under there in one night,” he grumbles. Karkat heads towards his meal-vault. Crabdad makes a small noise in response. “Well I can dream that nothing will, can’t I?” 

Karkat gingerly pulls off his work gloves and looks over his hands. There are beads of red popping up all over, making him shudder a bit. Great, now he’s going to have to wrap his hands until they heal. Can’t have those flimsy adhesive hematologic fluid collectors falling off on a whim and getting his ass culled.

Raising his arms to open the sub-temperature section of his meal vault is like lifting concrete. He rummages through the frozen items to locate one of his frozen reciprocal packs. His fingers feel stiff as they wrap around one, and Karkat bites back a hiss as a few offending splinters use the pressure as leverage to push deeper into his skin. The cold, at least, is soothing. He can feel his rage start to ebb a little; that is until he hears Crabdad take a deep inhale of breath.

“Sk-”

“I’ll do it tomorrow!” Karkat shouts before slamming the meal vault shut. “For fuck sake I can barely hold this shit up, what makes you think I can finish hammering nails into lumber right now?” Karkat halfheartedly waves the frozen reciprocal pack at Crabdad, who simply narrows his tiny crab eyes and crosses his crabby claws.

“Oh don’t you fucking give me that look. You try building a new portion onto this hive by yourself from sundown to sunup during the dim season.”

“Ske skree.”

“Shut up, you’ve been begging me to build you a porch for perigees now.”

Crabdad responds with a snarky, “Ske-shree-ske.” 

“That’s bull and you know it. If anyone were to help me and see my color you’d be left to clean this shit hole up by yourself and I’d have my ass impaled on a pike.” Karkat stomps angrily to the sink, tosses the frozen reciprocal pack on the counter, and turns on the water. Cool liquid pours out and he holds his hands under it. A small stain of red runs into the sink. 

“Ske-”

“I swear to fuck if you bring up Kankri right now I will drown myself. Just because we have the same blood color does not mean I am going to subject us to a continuous bombardment of ‘trigger warnings’ and constant whining about sexual repression. Now let me clean up so I can make us something to eat before you decide my head looks like grubloaf.”

Crabdad doesn’t make a sound, but instead keeps his claws crossed and stares. 

Karkat ignores him as he uses his claws to dig out as many splinters as possible without tweezers. The silence lasts only as long as his patience, which is already thinner than air.

“What!?” He spins to face his lusus, who simply looks from him to the still open door. Outside the sun is just barely hovering below the skyline.

“Are you kidding me?! You can’t close a door!?”

“Skree!” Crabdad yells as he clacks his claws at Karkat.

“Oh I’m fucking sorry, your highness, I didn’t realize the rule was ‘Karkat has to close all doors at all times’ not ‘keep the doors closed at all times’.”

Crabdad gives another short screech and snaps a claw before he scuttles sideways into the living room and out of Karkat’s sight. 

“Close the fucking door Karkat, fix the roof Karkat, go get your ass eaten by some creature in the wild to get us food because I ate all our extra rations, Karkat.” He slams the door shut. “I swear to whatever gods that still have audio receptive organs in this universe, if I have to take care of one more thing I will fucking scream.”

He doesn’t notice a small shadow dart towards his unfinished porch as he closes the door against the sun’s rising rays. 

\---------------------------

Karkat jolts awake. 

“The hell?” The words don’t really sound like that though, instead they come out as thick bubbles beneath the sopor of his recuperacoon. Karkat spits, or really drools, out the sopor in his mouth as he pulls himself up enough to see the clock. It’s just past four in the morning. Outside, he can see the sun blaring behind his one loose panel of curtains.

Karkat shifts in the slime and closes his eyes. It’s way too fucking early to be awake. Screw consciousness. 

Karkat has barely settled back in before he hears the wrenching of wood.

“Fucking really?” he grumbles and pulls himself from his recuperacoon. Slime drips from him as he stands over the collection grate in his floor. He slaps at his arms and legs to release some of the sopor before mentally releasing all of his fucks and going to the window. Putting on a pair of optical shading devices, he looks outside. 

For a moment he has to squint. Even with the dark glass over his eyes it’s bright as fuck out there. By the time his eyes adjust he realizes there is nothing he can see, and it takes him a bit to realize that the sound is coming from right below him. Karkat smooshes his forehead to the window and looks down. Off to the side, Karkat sees a the frail figure of an undead walk around the corner of his hive. A moment later there is a rather unpleasant sound of metal being forcefully wrenched from its lumber encasement.

“Of all the shit I-”

“SKEEEE!”

“Oh shut up!” Karkat yells back. “I know already!” Karkat quickly pulls clothing on over his sopor layered skin and throws on his eyewear. Without it he’ll be blind in seconds and he’s going to need to be able to see what he’s fighting.

By the time he’s downstairs he’s hearing more banging and tearing of wood. Through the kitchen door he can hear the three creatures’ low moaning as they tear apart his porch and possibly some of his hive. 

“Damn it all,” he grumbles as he listens. “The hell are they doing out there?” He can’t remember how long it’s been since undead made their way out this far from the deserts, but it was a hell of a long time ago. Undead rarely come out this far but, of course, of all the houses they could have attacked it just had to be his.

“Okay,” he says as he takes in deep breaths. His sickles appear in both hands as his strife-modus activates. “Let’s do this.” 

Karkat yanks the door open and shoots out as quickly as he can. The first undead doesn’t seem to realize what’s happening until Karkat has removed its skull from its neck. The second makes a half-heartedly swing at him with a broken two by four, but Karkat quickly knocks the creature’s weapon away. Well, Karkat actually takes off its hands, and then its head, but either way the board ends up on the ground. 

“Aw fuck,” Karkat bites out as a third lurches for him and grabs him by the shoulder. Panicked, Karkat shoves the point of his right sickle into its belly while bringing the left one down repeatedly on its head. He can’t get enough leverage to lob its head off, so he just opts for stabbing the hell out of its brains and hoping it’ll do the job. Somehow it does, but not before one of the creature’s jagged nails pushes through Karkat’s shirt. Karkat gets a nice long scratch over his shoulder and into the top of his pectoral.

“Fuck. You.” He bites out as he brings the sickle down two more times. The second blow has the creature collapsing on the ground in a tar-blooded heap. Karkat can smell the acridness of the gore burning in the sun as he heaves in scorching breathes of air. 

“There,” he says as he kicks at the things. “No more of you fuck-”

“BRAONK!” comes from behind him.

Karkat whirls just in time to see another undead stumbling towards him from around the corner of his hive. With as much precision as he can muster with his left arm, Karkat throws one sickle and is thrilled when it buries itself down into the top of the creature's skull. It stumbles and trips over its own ragged clothing before toppling into the deck. Karkat steps up next to the thing, and while holding his bleeding shoulder with his left hand, manages to make a nice clean swipe with the right. It hurts like a bitch with the cut in his flesh, but thankfully he manages to rip through the things neck in two consecutive hits. 

“Shit.” Karkat backs away from the twitching body before turning in a slow circle. Every shadow is now an undead waiting to jump him and drag him away from his hive, into the lengthening rays of the sun. His eyes dart to his nearest neighbor’s windows, looking for movement. He sees none. It doesn’t make him feel any better as red drips over his hand for any passerby to see.

“BRONK!” 

Karkat just about impales himself on his own sickle as he trips backwards and starts to fall. He manages to slash outwards but catches nothing but air as he sits heavily onto one of the undead.

Chest heaving, he looks around himself before watching something dash out from under his porch, up the stairs, and into his hive. It is followed by a ‘Skree!’.

“Oh for fuck sakes,” he snarls before jerking upwards and into his home. He finds his still screaming Crabdad standing on top of the kitchen table that is currently creaking loudly enough to let Karkat know it’s not going to last much longer.

“Would you get down from there before you hurt yourself!” 

Crabdad replies with a series of screeches and snaps as he clings tight to the table top.

“I know something got in, but you screaming at me about it doesn’t tell me where the fuck it went or what it is!”

After some snapping of jaws and claws, and a few threatening creaks from the table, Karkat finds himself in the living room with one sickle at the ready and a dish-towel pushed into his bleeding shoulder. Crabdad is at his back, clutching a little too hard to his shirt.

“Would you let up on that, you’re going to fucking-” There is a distinct ripping noise and Karkat hisses as part of his shirt tears along his cut. “Nevermind.”

Crabdad gives a small apologetic sound but he does not let go. 

“So what exactly did this thing look like besides furry?”

“Ske-skreeeeee-srca-sreeeec.”

“It was not two feet tall, I saw it go into the hive,” Karkat snaps. “Stupid over exaggerating crusta-”

“SKREEE!” 

Karkat lets out a grunt as he is harshly tugged backwards as something small and definitely not two feet tall darts past. At least, not all of it is two feet tall.

“Are you kidding me?” Karkat snaps as he whirls around and tugs his shirt from his Lusus’ claws. “A sub-ternian? You’re afraid of a furry fucking sub-ternian?”

Crabdad glares with his black beady eyes and claps his claws.

“Oh come on, they’re like grubs! They barely have the intelligence of a purr or woof-beast, their subdermal covering is just slightly thicker than a troll’s, and they are covered in fluff! How can you be afraid of-”

Crabdad lets out a scream as the sub-ternian pops its head around the door. Karkat can see its horns, which are very similar in color to his own, though with a splash of almost red around the bottoms. They are literally the only thing about the creature that is close to being two feet tall. Not to say that the thing isn’t a decent size, maybe a little bigger than he’s used to seeing, but it’s definitely all skin and bone under that mangy, dark purple-grey fur. It has slight splotches of almost white on it as well, like polkadots, and slight markings of white around the face that remind Karkat of a smiley face...kind of. Underneath it he can see scars of some sort, like the thing had been in a fight.

The sub-ternian looks up at Karkat with big, purple eyes that quickly narrow and slit before it hisses at Crabdad. 

Crabdad hisses right back. 

The creature darts off.

“Hey,” Karkat bites out as he turns back to Crabdad. “Cut that shit out. Do you want me to get it out of here or not?”

Crabdad nods.

“Then stop scaring it, or being scared of it, or whatever is going on. I don’t know how you can even be scared of one of those things.”

Crabdad snaps and clicks at Karkat.

“You know as well as I do they aren’t actual trolls. They’re like...well they’re just like their name says. They’re subservient to us, our long lost missing link in the genetic chain of whatever the fuck, and somewhere along the lines something dropped most of the fur and figured out how to stand up. I mean, come on, the only shit we’ve kept from those things are the horns and blood colors. Trolls keep them as pets for fuck sakes. It’s not like it’s suddenly going to get smarter and-”

There is a crash from the kitchen and Karkat freezes. 

“Little shit found my food already?” 

Crabdad gives a huff before sidestepping out of Karkat’s way. Shooting Crabdad a glare, Karkat begins to silently stalk towards the kitchen. Inside he can hear stuff rolling around, the soft scrape of tiny nails on tile, and an almost continual crunch. 

Peeking his head around the corner, Karkat finds the sub-ternian with its head shoved into his favorite box of artificially colored and sweated carbohydrate flakes. The chocolate ones.

“Whoa, whoa, hey, stop that!” He dashes into the room and the creature quickly darts away before skidding on its claws and hitting the wall next to the meal-vault with a hard thud.

“Idiot, this shit can kill you.” Karkat snatches up the box before he pauses and mutters to himself, “Or is that woof-beats?” He puts the box on the counter and watches as a few flakes fall out of one side. Great, the box is ruined and he doubts that he’s going to want to eat any of that now.

“Bonk?”

Karkat turns back to the sub-ternian with a start. “The hell kind of sound was that?”

“Broooonk.” 

“The hell is wrong with your yowl?” Karkat takes a few steps forward only for the sub-ternian to start hissing again. It lowers its head to present its horns.

“Hey,” he snaps, which amazingly shuts it up. “I just saved your ass out there so cut that shit.” His eyes flick to the box on the counter then back at the furball in the corner. “You hungry?” 

It cocks it head to the side and the long, somewhat curved horns on its head clack gently against the meal-vault. Behind it, Karkat can see its thick, somewhat flat tail flick up and down.

“Bronk?”

“Yeah, going to take that as a yes.” Karkat begins to walk towards the sub-ternian and the meal-vault, though he makes sure to give the creature a wide berth. “Just need to get in there and I can get you some grub loaf. You guys can eat that, at least I think you can. Who knows what kind of shit Sollux feeds Aradia and Feferi...Make that who knows what the hell Dave feeds John. Sollux at least seems to know how to take care of his two.” 

The sub-ternian’s eyes follow Karkat closely as it crouches down next the ground. Karkat keeps it in his sight while he reaches for the door out of his peripheral. While it is true sub-teranian’s aren’t as deadly or powerful as trolls, their claws, horns, and teeth can still take a chunk out of flesh pretty darn easily. 

Karkat gives a quick jerk to the meal-vault and the sub-ternian makes to scuttle away from it, though it doesn’t take its eyes off of Karkat. It only moves a few feet before it stops and considers him again.

“It’s okay,” Karkat says as he stretches one hand out to comfort the sub-ternian and uses the other to grab a cellophane wrapped grubloaf piece. “Come here.” He turns his outstretched hand back towards himself and makes a motion for the creature to come to him. “I’m not going to hurt you, you idiot. See, I have food.” Karkat goes down on one knee, shutting the door to the meal vault as he does, and unwraps the grubloaf. Immediately the sub-ternian’s head perks up. Its nose twitches and Karkat watches it stand on its hind legs.

“Well, you’re male,” he murmurs. He can see the distinction from how his underbelly has no residual padding in the thorax region. Even with how skinny he is, Karkat knows that if he were female there would be more padding for protection since the females are the more violent of the species. Not to say that hasn’t changed throughout their evolution: There isn’t anything scarier than a female troll barring down with the rage of a thousand perigrees of evolution . 

Karkat extends the grub loaf with a wince from his shoulder. The sub-ternian lowers himself onto his front paws and sneaks forward. Karkat stays as still as possible as he watches the little creature’s nose twitch and his whiskers wiggle in the air. Karkat is still thankful that through evolution trolls have lost those, at least mostly. Facial hair is still a thing with trolls after all, though whiskers are generally only found on seadwellers. Judging by how long this sub-ternian’s are, and how the tail is shaped, it has got to be on the cusp of being water bound.

“Kind of pedigree you have, you must have an owner somewhere,” Karkat murmurs as the sub-ternian sniffs at the grub loaf in his hand. “I doubt you’d get this close if you didn’t. Then again...” He considers how thin the thing is. Finding a sub-ternian with any color over yellow is rare in this area, so either they had an owner that’s no longer around or their owner is a piece of shit. 

As Karkat considers the options, the creature starts to nibble on the grubloaf before taking a full bite out of it.

“Whoa, watch it, I’m not breakfast.” Karkat drops the food as he feels teeth skim over his finger and slice through the layer of healing salve he had applied the night before. The sub-ternian barely pays any attention as it goes about scarfing down the grubloaf. Karkat watches as he gulps down the food and licks the floor. As soon as every morsel is gone, he looks up at Karkat expectantly.

“Alright,” he sighs as he goes back into the fridge. “Just a little more, but as soon as the sun goes down you’re out of here.”

“Bronk,” it replies as Karkat sets down more food. To Karkat’s surprise, it rubs its face into his hand, licks it once, and then focuses back on the meal before it.

“Weirdo.” Karkat sits on his heels a moment before he reaches out to scratch a bit between the sub-ternian’s horns. Amazingly, it lets him.


	2. Purrplexing Pawblems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding color to this took so long. I really hope y'all enjoy it!

Karkat sticks the sub-ternian in the clothing processing and ablution room for the rest of the day before cleaning himself up and lining his chest wound and hands with healing salve. It isn’t the best shit in the world, at least not for large wounds. It will, however, keep his cut closed through the night and he won’t have to worry about fishing bandages out of his sopor in the morning. At least it’ll be easier to cover up than his hands. All of his new wounds will have to be until they have healed enough to look like a rust-blood scar.

As soon as Karkat gets back into his slime, he regrets his decision to house the creature. Below Karkat, in the clothing processing room, the sub-ternian starts yowling at the top of its lungs. Crabdad gets in on the action for a while as well and Karkat spends a good part of the day figuring out which items in his room make the best auditory dampeners before finally falling asleep sometime past mid-day. When he gets up the next evening he finds that the sub-ternian has turned the newspapers he laid out into a shredded pile and his small hamper of sweat soiled work clothes into piss-soiled ones.

“Seriously?” 

The sub-ternian raises a bleary head towards his voice. 

“Do you not understand that clothings is...no I guess you wouldn’t seeing as your sub-species doesn’t even wear clothing.” Karkat heaves a sigh and makes a note to just fucking do the laundry already. Either that or burn it.

“Come on.” He steps away from the door. “It’s nightbreak. I’ll give you some loaf and then you’re out of here.”

And it is indeed out of there. The second Karkat has the door opened and it has a mouth full of grubloaf it is gone; a gray streak in the dark as it heads out.

“Good riddance,” Karkat mumbles as he goes back inside. He’s got laundry to do, bandages to change on his shoulder and hands, a deck to finish, and a nice pile of shredded paper to relocate into the garbage.

He doesn’t see the sub-ternian for the rest of the night. Not while he hammers the last of the boards down, or when he’s shaking excess fecal matter from a pair of pants, and Karkat thinks he may actually be rid of the thing. That is, at least, until sun-up.

“Broooooonk.” The sound comes from below Karkat’s living block window just after he turns off his husktop for the day. 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Karkat closes his eyes as Crabdad looks at the curtains that have been closed against the lightening sky.

“Brooooooooooooooooooooonk.”

“How can lungs that small hold that much air?” He looks over at Crabdad who gives a sort of shrug. 

“Bro-”

“I’m coming!” Karkat stands from the couch with a huff as he heads to the door. The whiskered sub-ternian darts past his feet, into his hive, and right into the kitchen.

“Broooonk.” He looks up at Karkat expectantly through the slight mop of black fur on his head. 

“Seriously?” Karkat can feel the muscle just under his eye twitch.

“Skeekree skree,” Crabdad calls from the living block.

“Oh, now you tell me. If I had known that I would never have fed him in the first place.”

“Sree.”

“Oh shut up,” Karkat huffs before muttering to himself, “I am not soft.” 

Crabdad gives a little screechy chuckle as Karkat shuts the back door. The sub-ternian gives another cry.

“I’m getting it, I’m getting it.” Karkat goes to the meal-vault and pulls out the protein portion of the previous nightfall’s meal. He unwraps it from its plastic imprisonment before tossing it to the little critter. He is surprised to watch it leap for it, catch it between its paws, and then squat almost troll-like while tearing into the meat.

“That shit can not be healthy for you,” he sighs as he watches it chow down. “Not with all that spice and crap...not that you seem to mind.” The sub-ternian is eating the meat ridiculously fast.

“If you puke...” Karkat heaves a sigh. “Then I guess I’m going to be cleaning it up.” Karkat rubs at his face before walking past Crabdad.

“Skre?” he asks as Karkat boots his husktop back up.

“Just need to ask someone a question. I’ll go to bed soon.” 

Crabdad nods as he settles back into his oversized nest-like sand filled bag. 

It takes Karkat only a few moments to get trollian started up and a chat window opened. 

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons  [TA]**

CG: ARE YOU STILL AWAKE BECAUSE I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION THAT I REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE ASKING YOU BUT I THINK I FUCKING NEED TO BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK I’M DOING AND UNFORTUNATELY YOU’RE ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE I CAN ACTUALLY ASK ABOUT THIS SHIT.  
TA: The fuck ii2 bu22iing iin your bonnet kk?  
CG: A SUB-TERNIAN AND HE’S FUCKING HUNGRY. SEEING AS YOU HAVE TWO OF THE LITTLE PROTEIN GUZZLERS I THOUGHT YOU’D BE THE BEST PERSON TO ASK ABOUT THIS SHIT.  
TA: iim bu2y riight now kk. try equ11u2.  
CG: LIKE I’M GOING TO ASK THAT CRAZY BASTARD WHAT HE FEEDS NEPETA. IT’S PROBABLY LIKE HOOF-BEAST HEARTS MIXED WITH SEA-BEAST GIZZARDS. HE PROBABLY KILLS THEM ALL HIMSELF.  
TA: okay, good poiint.  
TA: alriight. ii buy them a kiind of generiic brand but iit2 really good.  
TA: no extra 2hiit iin iit and iit2 not going two de2troy your ratiion2.  
TA: though you 2hould really get 2ome proteiin pa2te for them a2 well.  
TA: aa would kiill me iif ii ever triied two put her on a dry block diiet.  
TA: eiither that or the amount of pre2ent2 ii fiind iin the kiitchen would double.  
CG: PRESENTS?  
TA: you know, 2queek bea2t2, tiiny reptiiliian thiing2, 2hiit liike that.  
TA: 2he want2 two make 2ure ii don’t 2tarve or 2ome 2hiit.  
CG: SEEING AS YOU BARELY EAT HALF THE TIME I DON’T FUCKING BLAME HER.  
TA: 2hut up.  
CG: HOW MANY HAS SHE BROUGHT IN TONIGHT TO TRY AND FEED YOU?  
CG: I’M FUCKING WAITING.

**twinArmageddons [TA] is now idle ******

CG: OH FOR FUCK SAKE.  
CG: NOW WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

**twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

TA: 2orry.  
TA: you remiinded me two clean up a couple of pre2ent2 2he brought iin earliier.  
CG: YOU’RE FUCKING KIDDING ME. SHE ACTUALLY TRIES TO FEED YOU WHEN YOU’RE CODING? DOES FEFERI?  
TA: Nah. 2he ju2t triie2 two lay on the keyboard whiile ii work.  
TA: 2he liikes the heat from the moniitor or 2omething.  
TA: 2he u2ed two 2leep on top of the hiive untiil the iin2ident.  
TA: let2 ju2t 2ay that FF doe2nt cha2e the bee2 around anymore.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?  
TA: iid rather not remember that.  
TA: ii have 2car2 iin place2 you wouldnt beliive.  
TA: 2ub-terniian2 liike to cliimb up pant leg2 when fliiping the fuck out.  
CG: GOOD TO KNOW. NOW WOULD YOU TELL ME WHAT THE HELL THIS PROTEIN KIBBLE IS SO I CAN ORDER SOME AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.  
TA: grublu2iion2.  
TA: iive got a fiifty percent off coupon for 2ub2erviientperii2idiicthiivedweller2.com iif you want iit.  
CG: IS IT AN ACTUAL COUPON OR DID YOU HACK IT?  
TA: doe2 iit really matter?  
CG:...  
CG: WHAT’S THE CODE.  
TA: 222392  
CG: ARE THOSE ACTUALLY TWOS OR IS THERE AN S HIDDEN IN THERE.  
TA: s2s392  
CG: FUCKING THOUGHT SO.  
TA: damn. ii wa2 hopiing youd cra2h your hu2ktop agaiin.  
CG: ONLY TIME I EVER DO IS WHEN I LISTEN TO THE SHIT YOU TELL ME TO DO.  
TA: yeah. keep telliing your2elf that kk.  
CG: FUCK YOU SOLLUX.  
CG:...THANKS FOR THE FOOD ADVICE.  
CG: NOW GO GET SOME SHUT EYE BEFORE ARADIA DRAGS AN ENTIRE SHAMBLING CORPSE INTO YOUR HIVE TO FEED YOUR SORRY ASS.  
TA: you know there wa2 that one tiime when 2he did manage to briing iin half a woof-bea2t carca2.  
CG: DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT.  
TA: iif your2 ii2 biig enough iit could probably do 2omethiing biigger.  
CG: I DO NOT NEED THOSE NIGHTMARES AND HE IS NOT MINE.  
CG: HE IS CURRENTLY JUST NOT LEAVING MY HIVE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO.  
TA: face iit kk. youve been adopted.  
CG: ISN’T THAT SUPPOSED TO BE THE OTHERWAY AROUND?  
CG: SOLLUX ANSWER ME.

**twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

CG: PRICK.

Karkat heaves a sigh before opening the website for subserviantparacidichivedwellers.com and finds a small bag of the sub-ternian protein kibble. He grabs a twelve pack of one of the protein pastes as well, just in case. After putting in the coupon and checking out, Karkat closes the husktop and looks back into the kitchen. The sub-ternian isn’t there.

“Where the fuck?” His eyes dart around as he tries to find the small creature. Karkat freezes when he sees him. He’s slowly stalking towards Crabdad; ears pulled back and his tail twitching behind him.

“No, no no no,” Karkat starts before he watches the ball of fur and wrath pounce on one of Crabdad’s legs. An ungodly ‘SKREEE’ erupts throughout the hive before the sub-ternian is launched halfway across the room, hits the floor, and then skitters somewhere into the hive.

“SKREE SREE SKRE-”

“I know I know!” Karkat shouts back as he gets up. “I’ll fucking get him.” He takes two steps before a strange smell fills his nose. It is just the barest of whiffs, but it still makes him cringe. “The fuck is…” Karkat lets out a sigh as he realizes what he’s smelling. 

Five minutes later and he’s ordered a miniature ablution trap with super clumping, dry-clay, mildly scented gravel. There is also a couple of toys, a claw sharpening post, and a small bag of treats that are supposed to calm sub-ternian’s down.

“What?” Karkat asks as Crabdad gives a gurgle of disapproval. “Hey, if I can’t keep the little bastard out I might as well make sure he doesn’t destroy anything. Do you want to lose your styrofoam pellet and sand-filled leather sack?”

Crabdad gives a hiss as he puts his claws protectively over the sides of his styrofoam and sand nest.

“Thought so,” Karkat murmurs as he gets up. “Now excuse me while I go find the neurotic fur ball you launched into god knows where.”

Karkat ignores what sounds Crabdad makes and instead goes walking through the hive. He has more rooms than he needs, really he does, but building is just about the only thing to do around his hive. Karkat finds the sub-ternian as quickly as he would find an accidental semicolon in a line of code. So it takes him a good hour because even after all these years he still sucks at coding and holy fucking hell, he has too many rooms. Some have a bunch of shit from when he was younger, while some have barely anything. He ends up finding the sub-ternian on the second floor in a room filled with old furniture Karkat had initially tried to make; keyword being tried. After learning he couldn’t just cobble some wood together and call it a ‘bench’ because one side was higher than the other, he had given up on that particular hobby. Now the only time he does that is when he actually needs more furniture and can’t afford to buy it. That is what The Outlet of Pre-packaged but Unassembled Furnishings is for after all, even if their directions are shit and he ends up watching the videos on the internet.

Wait...what was he doing again?

“Come out from under there,” Karkat calls as he walks around the shambles of old furniture. “I’m not leaving you alone in here to leave another literal shit storm for me to try and clean up after.”

He watches the thick tail disappear under the low, very lopsided bench that is pushed up against the wall. A moment later he finds two softly flashing eyes looking out at him.

“Come on would you...you…” Karkat pauses. “Shit, what on this oozing sore of a planet do I call you?”

“Bronk.”

“I am not naming you after the sound a demented squawk beast makes.” He crosses his arms and gives a huff. “I can’t just keep calling you ‘it’. It’s like referring to a hairbrush, which would actually be a good thing to find right now seeing as you look like your fur could use a good brushing. Especially that mess on top of your skull.”

“Burr?” 

“Nevermind just…” Karkat wracks his brain. “It took me forever to figure out my trollian handle how am I going to come up with a name for you?” 

“Bow.” 

“How about...Merton?”

There is a little hiss from under the bench.

“Shit, okay, not Merton. Uhhhhh…” He rubs his head. “Slemag? He was the hero in ‘The beginning of a romance between…’ Wait no. You’re too scruffy to have that name.” Karkat taps his foot as he glances at the sub-ternian under the bench. It cocks its head to the side and watches him in the dim light from the dust covered light bulb.

“Well, you have a highblood color...so maybe after a famous highblood?”

“Bronk?” 

“Uuuuuhhhh...fuck. Chreet? Serven? Gamzee? Mas-”

“BOW!” The sub-ternian’s head pops out from under the bench.

“Serven?” Karkat asks. The sub-ternian’s ears quickly go flat.

“Gamzee?” Immediately they perk up. “Seriously? Gamzee? He was one of the Condesce's entertainers that ended up getting himself cut in half while trying to juggle chainsaws. That’s who you want to be named after?” 

As he asks, the sub-ternian comes out from his hiding place and languidly begins to twine himself around Karkat’s legs.

Karkat heaves a sigh before rubbing at his face. “Okay, fucking fine. Gamzee it is. Guess it fits seeing as you sound like one of those godforsaken horns he would have used in his act.”

“Bronk.” 

“That doesn’t mean yowl at me.” Gamzee just continues to twine between Karkat’s legs, and a purring sound very similar to a purr-beast’s rumbles from him, though it is a bit more chirpy. 

Karkat heaves a sigh. “Come on, Gamzee. If you’re staying here then you’re staying in my room tonight. I don’t want you leaving any more surprises around the house.” 

Gamzee gives a slight yowl in response as Karkat turns and walks out of the room. To his surprise, Gamzee follows without issue and sticks to his side as he closes the door. Karkat does, however, jump quite high when Crabdad calls up the stairs. Gamzee is immediately behind him and peaking around his calf.

“Found him!” Karkat calls back down the hall and towards the stairs in response. “It’s okay,” he adds softly to Gamzee.

“Skre!?”

“He’ll stay in my room today.”

“Ske-kri.”

“Yeah, good day to you too.”

Gamzee adds in his own yowl down the stairs before he quickly follows Karkat. They walk into Karkat’s room and Gamzee heads straight for a pile of clothing on the floor. 

“Ah-ah-ah,” he says to Gamzee as he shoos him away from it with his foot. “You need to take a shit you take it in…” Well crap, where is he going to take it? The receptacle won’t be here for another day or so.

Karkat scans the room as he tries to figure something out. His eyes land on an old clothing box that’s sticking halfway out of his closet and his brain clicks. 

“Here, Gamzee.” He walks over to the box and takes it into his bathroom. Gamzee follows him, sniffing at things as he goes. “You need to empty your bowels you do it in here.” Karkat starts lining the box with absorbent tissue as he says it. “If you’re going to keep spending the day here you can’t keep pissing on my clothing. I don’t have the patience or the pocket money to deal with an un-trained sub-ternian. Especially not after all the crap I just had to buy to keep you from destroying said clothing.” He finishes layering the box and steps back. 

Gamzee steps forwards, sniffs, and climbs inside. At first Karkat thinks he’s just going to start shredding the stuff as he bats it around the box. While he plays with the paper, Karkat goes about removing the bandages from his shoulder and hands. He starts to cover the cuts with the thick liquid salve. 

“You know, if it wasn’t for you I’d have a lot worse than this,” he tells Gamzee as he smears the stuff onto his chest. The cut is still an angry red and somewhat puffy, but at least it doesn’t look like it’s infected.

“I’d probably be out there shambling along and trying to break down my neighbor's door if you hadn’t let me know about that last bastard yesterday.” Karkat looks down at Gamzee only to find he is performing an awkward squat. The sound of running liquid fills Karkat’s ears. He immediately looks away from the box.

“I’ll uh…” he clears his throat and quickly wipes the excess salve from his hand. “I’m just going to head to my ‘coon.” He steps out of the ablution trap and heads towards his recuperacoon, picking up anything cloth along the way. By the time he actually makes it to his cacoon, he’s holding nearly every scrap of clothing that had been on his floor.

“Shit...can’t let him get to this.” Staggering under the pile of clothing, towels, and so on, Karkat manages to use one hand to get his closet open before dumping all of the clothing inside. It takes a couple of good shoves to close the door against the torrent of garments, but he manages. “Alright, now he…” Karkat looks down at himself. “Damn it.” He quickly sheds his clothing, balls it all up together, and in one quick movement opens the closet door, throws the ball in, and shoves it closed again. It almost works.

“Come on,” he grumbles as he uses his smallest finger to push protruding cloth back into the shallow depths of his closet. “Why didn’t I make this thing deeper?” 

“Bronk?”

“Fuck!” Karkat jumps as he shoves the last of the cloth inside and manages to pinch his finger. Hissing and swearing he holds his pulsing little finger as he clenches his teeth together. 

“What are you looking at?” Karkat bites out as Gamzee stares at him with his large purple eyes. The sub-ternian proceeds to pad forwards before twinning between Karkat’s legs.

“Bronk.” It is quickly followed by Gamzee’s chirp-like purr.

“Whatever. I’m going to sleep.” Karkat takes two steps, trips, and gets a confused yowl as he just about rams a horn into his wall.

“For fuck sake, Gamzee,” he bites out as Gamzee quickly darts away and under his desk. “You trying to cull me via drywall?” he asks aloud. There is no response, just two reflective dots under his desk that stare out at him. “Yeah, that’s not creepy at all,” he murmurs before flipping his light off and heading over to his recuperacoon. He can barely see it in the gentle glow that oozes around the side of his curtains. Most of the drapes in his room are tacked shut on the sides, but he allows one set to flow freely. Letting some sunlight in is better than paying to artificially light his hive during the day. 

Slipping into the slime, Karkat heaves a sigh as the tepid temperature swallows him up. It suctions against his skin and in no time he is suspended in the somewhat buoyant slime. He pulls his knees up some, gets his arms to rest just beneath the sopor, and closes his eyes.

“Mornin’ Gamzee,” he calls. 

“Brok,” comes back from the dark. 

Karkat fights the odd urge to smile. It disappears completely when he hears something fall followed by the thud of what can only be his fetch-modus crashing to the floor.

“Gamzee!” He shoots up and looks around for the little creature. 

“Brownk.” The shaken sound comes from the ablution trap.

“Oh thank…” Karkat sighs and settles back into his slime. “At least I don’t have to patch the floor-” There is a creak before wood tears and there is a harsh thud in the thankfully empty room below his.

“Again.”

He watches Gamzee slowly slink out of the ablution trap towards the hole. 

“Skree!?”

“I’ll fix it!” Karkat yells back before letting his head thud against the side of his recopricoon. So much for getting a full day’s sleep. As he gets up to wipe himself down above the slime collecting grate, Karkat makes a mental note to not leave his sylladex lying around, or better yet, finally get around to switching his modus out. There are still books stuck in it that he wants to finish.

\-----------------

Every time Karkat hacks at the tree it makes a wet slapping sound. Why this makes him angry he isn’t sure. All trees make wet slapping sounds, right? They are full of sap so it would only make sense. At least, that’s what he tells himself as he swings at it again. The wet slapping sound happens before, during, and after the cut this time.

“What the fuck?” Karkat asks himself as he stares at the tree. The sound keeps going. Karkat watches in confusion as the tree slowly dissolves into green, then black, and then Karkat finds himself looking blearily at his sopor. He has sunken down a little more during the night, which leaves his mouth partially submerged. The sound still hasn’t stopped, though it has become much more prominent in his right ear. 

Turning his head, the sound pauses and Karkat is faced with two big purple eyes that glow gently in the dim light from outside. They are surrounded by white fur. Karkat jumps and thuds against the side of his cocoon before his brain starts working. 

Karkat wipes sopor from his mouth before grumbling, “Gamzee, what the fuck are you…” He pauses as he looks at Gamzee’s face. There is something on his chin. It is green, slimy, and…

“FUCK!” Karkat vaults out of the slime with a squelching pop. Gamzee shoots off the recuperacoon with a yowl as Karkat stumbles over his slick feet, bypassing the collection grid, and goes for the husktop on his desk. Wait...

“Shit.” Karkat quickly wrenches open his door, and still covered in a sheen of slime, runs downstairs. 

Crabdad makes a sleepy sound from his room on the first floor that Karkat ignores. He quickly makes his way to his husktop, throws it open, and looks for the first full-color name that appears.

“Oh thank god,” he breathes before double clicking on it and not really caring if his trackpad will forever be sticky from sopor.

**carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]**

CG: KANAYA PLEASE BE THERE.  
CG: GAMZEE WAS EATING SOPOR AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE I DON’T EVEN THINK HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE EATING THAT SHIT.  
CG: IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING POISON TO US IF WE EAT TOO MUCH SO I CAN ONLY GUESS WHAT IT’LL DO TO HIM EVEN IN A SMALL DOSE.  
GA: Good Mid-day To You Too Karkat  
GA: Im Not Horribly Sure What It Is Youre Talking About  
GA: Who Is Gamzee And Why Is He Eating Sopor  
CG: SHIT, SORRY.  
CG: GAMZEE IS A SUB-TERNIAN WHO HAS DECIDED TO BECOME THE NEWEST PAIN IN MY ASS. FIRST HE DRAWS THE UNDEAD TO MY HOUSE, THEN HE EATS ALL MY LEFTOVER GRUBLOAF, AND NOW HE’S BEEN DRINKING MY SOPOR.  
GA: And Why Pray Tell Is He Near Your Recuperacoon  
CG: WELL I’M NOT GOING TO JUST LET HIM WANDER THE HIVE ON HIS OWN. I LEFT HIM ALONE FOR MAYBE TWO MINUTES YESTERDAY AND HE SHIT IN THE LIVING BLOCK. HE ALSO SEEMS TO THINK MY CLOTHING PILES ARE FECAL RECEPTACLES THOUGH I GOT HIM TO USE A BOX FILLED WITH TISSUE INSTEAD LAST MORNING, THOUGH WHO KNOWS IF HE ACTUALLY GETS IT OR IF HE JUST DECIDED IT FELT ENOUGH LIKE MY SWEATERS TO USE IT IN A PINCH.  
GA: Well Firstly Let Me Congratulate You On The Wonders Of Being A Sub-ternian Lusus And Secondly Let Me Ask If You Remembered To Put Water Out For Gamzee Along With His New Fecal Repository  
GA: From Your Lack Of Response I Am Going To Assume That No You Did Not  
CG: HOW THE FUCK COULD I FORGET TO LEAVE OUT WATER! NO WONDER HE WAS TRYING TO DRINK THE SOPOR HE HAD NOTHING ELSE TO DRINK!  
GA: Dont Worry Rose And I Have Done That Ourselves  
GA: Thankfully Jade Will Just Drink Out Of The Abulation Trap  
GA: Eridan On The Otherhand  
GA: I Think He Would Rather Die Of Dehydration Than Drink Out Of It  
CG: WELL ISN’T HE A SUBAQUATIC SUB-TERNIAN?  
GA: Yes  
CG: DOESN’T THAT MEAN HE *CONSTANTLY* NEEDS WATER?  
GA: Why Do You Think He And Jade Run Out So Often  
CG: WOULDN’T HE JUST GO AND JUMP INTO ROSE’S AQUIFER THING YOU TWO BUILT?  
GA: She Doesnt Like Him Doing That His Fur Clogs The Filters  
GA: We Are Currently Building Him A Small Pool Off Of My Room Though  
GA: That Is If Horuss Will Ever Make Peace With Equius  
CG: WHAT HAPPENED?  
GA: Rufioh Tried To Breed With Nepeta  
GA: Nepeta Sternly Told Him No With A Very Well Placed Swipe To His Skull  
GA: Now He Has A Lovely Little Trihawk Going  
GA: Permanently If My Last Visit Told Me Anything When I Went To Beg That Horuss Finish The Base of the pool So Equius Can Come In And Finish The Piping  
GA: It Has Been Absolute Torture To See It Go Unkempt  
CG: THE MINI-AQUIFER THING?  
GA: No Rufiohs Mane  
GA: Ive Offered Multiple Times To Do Something With It Because It Really Could Be So Becoming On Rufioh But Horuss Refuses  
GA: A Few Streaks Of Color Would Be Beautiful On Him  
GA: Maybe Some Blue Like Horuss  
GA: Or Red  
GA: Oh Red Would Work So Well With His Sandy Coloring  
GA: Id Just Have To Bleach Out The Black  
CG: UH...  
GA: Sorry  
GA: Enough About Our Current Crisis  
GA: Werent You Having One Yourself  
CG: SHIT! YEAH YOUR RIGHT.  
CG: DO YOU THINK THAT HE’S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT?  
GA: Have You Looked It Up  
CG:...  
GA: You Immediately Contacted Me Without Any Prior Research Didnt You  
CG: UM…  
GA: While I Am Flattered That You Think Me Such An Expert On The Subject I Must Unfortunately Disappoint You By Telling You I Am Not  
GA: To Be Honest Rose And I Usually Defer To The Striders When It Comes To Subters Eating Or Drinking Something Questionable  
CG: SUBTERS?  
GA: You Are Aware Of The Formal Shortening Of The Sub-ternian Name Arent You  
CG: OF COURSE I AM!  
CG: I JUST DIDN’T REALIZE THAT IS HOW IT’S SPELLED.  
GA: Right  
GA: Well  
GA: If You Dont Find Anything Online And Are Still Worried I Would Give Either Dave Or Dirk A Call  
GA: I Know John Gets Into All Kinds Of Things And Jake Isnt The Brightest When It Comes To Exploration  
CG: YOU’RE SERIOUSLY TELLING ME TO TALK TO THE *STRIDERS* ABOUT SUB-TERNIAN CARE.  
GA: Yes Karkat I Believe I Am  
GA: Out Of All Of Us They Are The Ones Who Deal With The Most Insanity In Their Hive  
GA: If I Remember Correctly John Managed To Chew Through Daves Husktop Cord And Dave Figured Out A Way To Keep Him Alive  
GA: I Still Dont Know If Hes Joking When He Says John Still Gives Off Small Electric Shocks  
CG: ALRIGHT FINE. THANKS ANYWAYS.  
GA: Your Welcome  
GA: Now If You Will Excuse Me I Need To Start On The Evening Meal  
GA: Rose Will Be Up Soon And I Want To Make Sure She Eats Something Before She Goes On Her Next Research Binge As Roxy So Eloquently Put It  
CG: GOING TO GUESS THERE WERE A LOT MORE MISSPELLINGS WITH THAT.  
GA: Enough To Gag Gl’bgolyb  
GA: Now Go Get Gamzee Some Water  
GA: I Doubt Hell Get Sick But You Should Probably Get Him Something To Dilute What Is Already In His Stomach  
CG: GOOD IDEA. THANKS KANAYA HAVE A GOOD...WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS YOU HAVE WITH YOUR FUCKED UP SLEEPING SCHEDULE.  
GA: Thank You Karkat  
GA: I Hope You Get More Rest As Well

**grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

Karkat takes a deep breathe before closing his husktop. Water. Alright, that makes sense. Gamzee was only drinking the sopor because he hadn’t left him out any water. How could he have been dumb enough to overlook something so simple when it’s clear Gamzee is almost water bound? Even if he wasn’t, everything needs water. Hell, Karkat’s even feeling a bit parched.

Standing from the couch, Karkat feels his skin try to stick to it and gives a groan. “That’s going to be a pain in the ass to clean out,” he grumbles before padding to the kitchen with sticky steps. He gets a glass and a bowl, fills both halfway with water, and heads upstairs.

“Skree?”

He just about drops both.

“For fuck sake, give some warning would ya?” Karkat snaps. He is pressed against the far wall across from Crabdad’s room.

“Skreeee-ske?”

“Because I thought Gamzee was going to die. Sorry, I didn’t have time to put on pants.”

“Ske?”

“It’s what I named him.”

“SREEE!?”

“Oh shut up. I wasn’t going to call him ‘it’ for the rest of his life.”

“Ske-skree ske sreee ske-”

“I am too fucking tired to have this conversation with you right now. If you can keep my ass alive I can keep his at least conscious.”

Crabdad’s claws cross, though his posture deflates slightly.

Karkat gives a sigh before padding over. 

“You’re a great lusus.” He gives a gentle peck to Crabdad’s mandible. “Now go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” 

Crabdad seems to brighten a bit before he rubs his head gently against Karkat and heads back into his room. Karkat turns away from the door and starts to head up to his own room when Crabdad calls out with a quick ‘Ske-skreeke’.

“Oh for fuck sake, I’m going back to sleep I don’t need pants.”

“Sk-”

“Don’t. Need. Pants.”

Crabdad makes no other attempts to talk to Karkat as he makes his way into his room. Despite the door having been flung open, Gamzee is still inside the room. Well, actually, his head is in the recuperacoon.

“Gamzee!” Karkat quickly darts forwards, careful of his makeshift floor patch job, and losses some water out of the bowl. Gamzee looks up with a startled ‘Bronk?’ before Karkat puts down the bowl and then uses his free hand to scoop him up. Gamzee goes strangely limp in his arms and immediately starts purring.

“What the fuck?” Karkat looks down at Gamzee who looks up at him with half opened eyes. “Are...oh shit you’re inebriated, aren’t you.”

Gamzee’s response is to rub his head against Karkat’s side. His horns knock against his cut and Karkat feels the seal he had created with the salve just about split. On instinct, he drops Gamzee who makes no motion to move. Instead he falls on his back right into the sopor.

Karkat freezes as he waits for the sub-ternian to react. Karkat’s breathing slows, his heart rate skyrockets, and absolutely nothing happens.

“Seriously?” He’s not sure if he’s disappointed or surprised when Gamzee simply sinks in a couple of inches before purring loudly. 

“You have got to be kidding me…” Karkat watches as Gamzee gives a long, deliberate stretch that has his horns pushing down into the slime and his body spreading out over the opening to Karkat’s recopricoon. Gamzee shimmies a little, turns, and Karkat quickly sets down his water to pick Gamzee up before he can start lapping at the green slime.

“Nope,” he says as he starts heading towards the bathroom. “Nope, nope, nope. I am not letting you lick up any more of that crap. I’ve had you for less than a day and-” Karkat cuts himself off and pauses as he holds the dripping sub-ternian in the middle of the room. “Fucking hell you really did adopt me.”

Gamzee gives a small, happy yowl before Karkat shakes his head and heads to the ablution trap. “Well, you’re about to hate me.” 

Karkat sets Gamzee down on the sink before reaching over to turn on the ablation spray. He keeps it luke warm, not sure with what will be comfortable for Gamzee, but guessing it’ll be cooler than what he’d prefer.

“Alright,” he says as he picks up the still languid Gamzee. “Please don’t destroy my thorax for this.”

The sound of the running shower seems to do very little to Gamzee, though when Karkat starts to get in he seems to realize something is up. He looks around, his horns poking against Karkat’s thigh as he holds him much like the mother-grub would hold a newborn grub.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay,” he says gently as he starts to lay Gamzee down into the water running along the shower floor. Gamzee blinks a bit against the spray coming off of Karkat, but even when his back touches tile he doesn't seem to mind. Wait…

“Oh for fuck sake you’re almost sub-aquatic,” Karkat grumbles. “Of course you’d enjoy this.” Sure enough, Gamzee starts purring as the tepid water washes around him and starts leeching green from his fur and Karkat’s skin.

“At least you’re easy to clean,” Karkat mutters as he begins to wipe him down. Gamzee continues to purr throughout the entire endeavor, even laps at the water which Karkat urges him to do. Once the two of them are slime free, Karkat takes Gamzee out of the ablution trap, wraps him in a towel, and takes him back into his room. 

“I can’t believe you were eating that crap, it could really hurt you,” he grumbles as he sits at his desk. He begins to rub water away and gets happy chirping in response. “You’re a real dumb-ass you know that? I wonder how you’ve survived outside so long. I can’t believe an undead hasn’t come along and turned you into a meal. What other weird shit have you randomly lapped up into that maw of yours?” 

“Mrrro.” Gamzee nuzzles against Karkat’s chest and Karkat heaves a sigh.

“You’re about to pull me into a whole-nother world of bull-shit aren’t you…”

Gamzee just looks up at him with his big, purple eyes, yawns, and proceeds to fall asleep curled up in his lap. Karkat blinks down in surprise as he sits nude and damp in his room. Gamzee is a cool weight in his lap, and where his fur pokes out of the towel Karkat can feel the somewhat soft, damp fur tickle on his skin. 

“Fuck,” he grumbles as he sits with his bundle of sub-ternian. A few minutes later he realizes that even though he knows he should, he’s not going to be getting up for a while.


	3. Daily Disapurrences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun with this one. Writing Dave is always a pain in the ass and a pleasure.

“Bronk!”

Karkat jerks. There is a gentle wet slap against his forehead.

“Damn it,” he grumbles as he wipes milk from his face. Three days of little sleep has left him dozing all over the hive at random intervals, and this nightfall is no different. 

“Braaank.”

“You done already?” Karkat turns away from his soggy bowl of artificially colored and sweated carbohydrate flakes.

“Braaaooooooownk.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll get the door. For fuck sake, the sun just went down.” Karkat gets up and heads for the backdoor. ”You’re gonna wake-”

“Skree!” comes from the other side of the hive and Karkat sighs. 

“If they made audio-blockers that would fit your audio-receptacles then I would buy them for you, but for now just shut up and go back to sleep!”

“BRONK!”

“SKREEEAA!”

“Alright!” 

Karkat whips the door open and watches Gamzee disappear into the receding half light; his already dented and half full food receptacle between his teeth. Karkat squints against the last strands of daylight. The glow is not bright enough to hurt, but it sure as hell isn’t comfortable. He watches Gamzee dart through one of his neighbor's backyards, around a corner, and out of sight.

“Crazy little bastard,” he grumbles before letting out another yawn. He stands a moment longer in the doorway. “Wonder where he’s going?”

Karkat pads out of the kitchen and heads to his husk-top. He doubts that there is anyone on this early, well besides Kanaya and Sollux, and he’s not about to pester them again. Sollux had threatened to come con-cave Karkat’s roof if he kept asking him questions, and Kanaya hadn’t been kidding when she said she wasn’t much help. He’s thought about talking to Dave, but so far he’s had no luck. Every time he gets on Dave’s name is grayed out.

Dragging a finger over the trackpad, Karkat brings the screen to life. Trollian glows up at him. The side-bar is mostly gray, only emerald lit up. He’s about to shut the husktop and say fuck being awake when there is a ping on his screen.

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: sup  
CG: THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING UP SO EARLY?  
TG: could ask you the same question  
TG: actually i am seeing as you’ve been up at the crack of night like the earliest of chirp-beasts going in for a wriggling nightcrawler just as they come up to say sup to the moon  
CG: THERE IS NO GETTING OF NIGHTCRAWLERS OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY. GAMZEE JUST LIKES TO WAKE ME UP TO LET HIM OUT.  
CG: AND SEE, THIS IS WHY I DON’T FUCKING TALK TO YOU THIS EARLY. IT’S BEEN LESS THAN TWO FULL SENTENCES AND ALREADY MY THINK-PAN IS TRYING TO TRICKLE OUT THROUGH ONE OF MY AUDIO TUBES.  
TG: well best be getting that shit shoved back into your skull because ive got a whole new slew of questions for you  
TG: or really just one i guess but it’s going to lead to more  
TG: whos gamzee  
CG: MY SUB-TERNIAN, AND BEFORE YOU GO WELCOMING ME TO THE OWNERSHIP CLUB, LET ME JUST SAY THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST IDEA OF MY LIFE AND I WISH I COULD TAKE IT ALL BACK.  
TG: aww you like the lil’shit that much do ya  
CG: HE IS MORE BRAINDEAD THAN THAT HELLION YOU DECIDED TO NAME JOHN OF ALL THINGS.  
CG: HE EATS SOPOR, DISAPPEARS FOR HOURS AT A TIME, HAS SOME SORT OF VENDETTA AGAINST ANY CLEAN PIECE OF CLOTHING I HAVE IN THIS HIVE, AND IF HOW LITTLE IS LEFT IN HIS FOOD CONTAINER AT THE END OF THE NIGHT IS ANY INDICATION HE IS GOING TO EAT ME OUT OF ANY EXCESS FUNDS I HAVE AFTER OUR MONTHLY RATIONING.   
TG: yeah you like him  
CG: I DO NOT FUCKING LIKE HIM!  
TG: if you didnt then youd have already shipped him off to some other poor fucker or dropped him off at a shelter  
TG: can’t ever see you actually just dumping something on the curb  
TG: you cried at ‘the sub-terninan’s who were found by the young lususless grub and were then used to help procure sustenance through hunting and tracking before one was bitten by a rabid beast and had to be put down leading to the subsequent death of the other from depression which lead to the young troll becoming sad as well’.  
CG: THAT IS NOT THE WHOLE FUCKING TITLE AND YOU KNOW IT, BUT YES I KNOW WHAT BOOK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT AND IF YOU DIDN’T CRY AT THAT THEN YOU ARE WITHOUT ANY EMOTION AT ALL, STRIDER.  
TG: oh no you got me  
TG: i share my pad with two subterns and another troll who would fucking die because he can’t remember to feed himself  
TG: there aint a drop of emotional drivel at all up in this crib  
TG: i am the most emotionally starved bastard on this planet  
TG: even if there was a sea of emotion around me i couldnt even bring myself to take a sip  
TG: maybe you can come over here and spoonfeed it to me like the grub i am and teach me how to cry at books and shit rom-coms  
CG: MY ROMCOMS ARE NOT SHIT.  
TG: …  
CG: OKAY SO NOT ALL OF THEM ARE SHIT. YOU HAVE TO WATCH SOME REALLY HORRIBLE DRIVEL TO BE ABLE TO GET TO THE GLISTENING GEMS OF FILM THAT ARE HIDDEN AMONGST THE CONSTANT REGURGITATIONS OF THE MOST BORING AND OVERDONE RED, BLACK, PALE, AND GREY STORIES KNOWN TO TROLL KIND.  
TG: whatever you say dude  
CG: DO I HAVE TO REMIND YOU ABOUT THE TIME YOU LEFT YOUR MICROPHONE ON AND I GOT TO HEAR EVERY SINGLE SNIVELING SECOND?  
TG: oh shit shots fired  
TG: you got to hear me deal with johns claws deciding that their newest sheath was going to be my legs while he had whatever nightmares come from inside furry little think-pans  
CG: YOU CRIED AND WE BOTH KNOW IT.  
TG: if a tree falls and no ones around to hear it does it make a sound  
CG: THE FUCK DOES THAT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS?  
TG: you didnt see it it didnt happen  
CG: DAVE I KNOW YOU WERE CRYING BIG RUSTY TEARS OVER THAT RED TRAGEDY.  
TG: well you would actually know if youd come over here and hang with me for one of them  
TG: or better yet get me away from the smell of oil and metal for a day  
CG: I MIGHT THINK ABOUT IT IF I COULD EVER GET AHOLD OF YOU.  
CG: BUT EVEN NOW IT SAYS THAT YOU ARE OFF IN WHATEVER OBLIVION YOU’VE BEEN HIDING IN THE LAST WEEK.  
TG: what  
CG: TROLLIAN SAYS YOUR OFFLINE.  
TG: fuck

turntechGodhead [TG] is online

TG: forgot i put that shit in offline mode  
TG: no wonder no one has been hitting me up  
CG: WHY WERE YOU IN OFFLINE MODE?  
TG: dont know if you knew or not but the zahhaks are in the middle of some sort of feud  
TG: and what with both of them vying for dirks red and black simultaneously they keep trying to drag him in  
TG: i had to put us *both* on fucking offline mode to get away from the yammering  
CG: YOU’RE KIDDING.  
TG: nope  
TG: though i think they finally got the message since they both stopped trying to get ahold of him a couple days ago  
TG: not that hes really noticed  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  
TG: dirks creating another set of ai to battle it out with equius  
TG: the guy goes into a zone so deep in his think-pan that it takes a wrench to the horn to get his attention  
TG: and no that isnt one of my awesome euphamisms  
TG: i seriously had to take a wrench to his horn the other day  
CG: HOLY SHIT.  
TG: right  
TG: this shit is getting rose levels of obsessive  
TG: i swear weve got to share some sort of common ancestor with her  
CG: WHAT LEVEL OF ROSE ARE WE TALKING?  
TG: i mean ive gotten food in him but i dont think hes slept  
CG: SO NOT FULL ROSE YET.  
TG: no but hes getting there  
TG: i get him in the sopor and all that shit but no matter how early i get up hes always up before me  
CG: HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT CHAINING HIM TO HIS RECUPERACOON?  
TG: you know hed pick that shit in seconds flat  
CG: TRUE…  
TG: anyways ive got to go make sure he gets some sort of sustenance in him  
TG: even if its just shit caffeinated bean water  
TG: what kind of moirail would i be if i didnt make sure he was at least eating  
CG: YOU’RE A GREAT ONE AND YOU KNOW IT.  
TG: yeah i know but i didnt want to honk my own proverbial horn and all that crap  
TG: thanks for doing it for me  
CG: FUCK YOU DAVE.  
TG: theres that animosity we all know and love  
TG: maybe if you stay out of the slime until sundown ill see the mushroom cloud from my place when you meltdown  
CG: WHY DO I TALK TO YOU AGAIN?  
TG: i dont know but im glad you do  
TG: rather do it with ya face to face and hear the cute crack in your voice when you get pissed at a story line though  
TG: bet id be able to tell what color you are just from your cheeks right now  
CG: I HOPE JOHN SHOVES A SQUEAK-BEAST IN YOUR EVER GAPING MAW WHILE YOU SLEEP AND YOU CHOKE ON IT.  
TG: been there done that  
TG: hope gamzee spares you from the horrors of early evening surprise feedings  
TG: shit may be dope to them but picking fur out of your fangs aint the best way to start the day  
TG: but now i gotta bolt  
TG: hear all those gears turning downstairs and if i dont work fast dirks not going to let anything past those thin lines he calls lips except for air and the occasional sick beat  
CG: WAIT.  
TG: something must really be up if youre wanting to keep me around  
TG: not that im complaining  
CG: SHUT UP.  
CG: KANAYA SAID THAT YOU AND DIRK KNOW A LOT ABOUT THE SUB-TERNIANS SEEING AS YOU HAVE TWO OF THE MOST NEUROTIC ONES ON THE PLANET.  
TG: id go more with uncommonly intelligent but i guess thats a pretty thin line to toe  
CG: WHATEVER.  
CG: DO YOU KNOW WHY GAMZEE MIGHT WANT TO GET OUT EVERY MORNING?  
TG: was he an outdoor subtern to begin with  
CG: I’M NOT SURE. I MEAN, MAYBE? HE SEEMS TOO TRUSTING TO BE FERAL. I THINK HE HAD AN OWNER AT ONE POINT.  
TG: well he might just be an indoor outdoor  
TG: jakes like that too  
TG: goes out with the moon and comes in with the sun  
TG: not all the time but it does happen a lot  
CG: DOES HE WANDER OFF?  
TG: kinda  
TG: mostly he sticks around the house  
CG: YEAH WELL I DON’T KNOW WHERE ON THIS GOD FORSAKEN PLANET GAMZEE GOES.  
TG: maybe hes got a hot date  
CG: SEE THIS IS WHY I ONLY TALK TO YOU ONCE A WEEK. I ASK YOU FOR SERIOUS HELP IN TRYING TO BECOME A BETTER OWNER AND TRY AND UNDERSTAND MY SOPOR ADDICTED FUZZBUTT AND YOU START CRACKING JOKES.  
TG: nah im being serious  
TG: if youre giving him the food and shelter shtick then somewhere else hes getting his pail on  
TG: especially if he seems more like a house haunter  
TG: mating is the only reason horuss lets rufioh out of the house otherwise the fuzzball drives him insane with his yowling  
CG: OH.  
TG: and you might want to put a cap on your coon during the day if hes drinking that shit  
TG: little wont do much but if he does it every day id hate to see what happens when he cant get at it.  
TG: i hear withdrawl from that crap can be hell troll or otherwise  
CG: OH. I HADN’T THOUGHT OF THAT.  
TG: i just throw a towel over mine and dirks during the day and it keeps john out just fine  
TG: jake never seemed interested in the stuff so thats not much of a problem  
TG: now you got any other questions  
CG: HOW DO I TELL IF HE’S GOT A MATE?  
TG: seriously dude  
TG: if i have to tell you about the chirp-beasts and the bees this evening then dirks not eating until the sun comes up  
CG: GO SHOVE A BEE UP YOUR WASTE CHUTE. I’M BEING SERIOUS.  
TG: think sollux would be willing to help me with that  
CG: THAT IS AN IMAGE THAT NEVER NEEDED TO ENTER MY PAN.  
CG: I AM NOW GOING TO GO GOUGE OUT WHAT FEW PROCESSING CELLS ARE LEFT IN MY SKULL THAT WEREN’T BURNT OUT BY THE MERE IMAGINING OF WHAT THAT WOULD LOOK LIKE.  
TG: depending on how kinky you want to get it could look pretty good  
CG: AND THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.  
TG: hey dont kink shame me  
TG: and to answer your question just check his belly fur  
TG: if its got a different color to it you know hes been getting laid  
TG: just keep the touches friendly or he might start thinking youll help him with it too  
TG: heard horuss had that issue with rufioh when he first tried to breed him  
CG: THAT’S DISGUSTING. HOW IN THE FUCK COULD YOU EVEN... I’M GOING TO GO REGURGITATE THE LAST MONTHS WORTH OF PROTEIN NOW.  
TG: glad to be of service  
TG: and remember if he starts getting fat you may have grubs on your hands  
CG: OH FUCK.  
CG: DAVE. DAVE WHAT DO I DO IF HE’S GOING TO HAVE GRUBS!?

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: DAMN IT DAVE!

Karkat rubs at his face before letting out a sound of frustration. 

“I am not dealing with grubs. If he has grubs then I’m...I’ll…” Karkat collapses back against his couch. “The fuck am I going to do if he has grubs?” The idea spins around in his pan for a while as his eyes flicker between open and shut. It really is too early for this shit, way too early. It doesn’t take long before his eyes decide they don’t want to be open anymore and he settles into a light doze.

“BROOOOOOONK!”

Karkat just about jumps out of his skin as the yowl breaks through the nightmare of un-dead threatening to tear him apart. “Fucking-I…” he takes a deep breath before collapsing back on the couch.

“Sree-skee?” Crabdad is sitting in his large bag of a chair and watching Karkat with his head cocked to the side.

“I know it’s just Gamzee.”

“Ske?”

“Pretty sure you did the exact same thing when I tried to wake you up during a nightmare,” Karkat grumbles as he gets up. His neck aches from the odd sleeping position and he cracks it from side to side.

“BROOOOWOONK!”

“The fuck is up with you?” Karkat calls as he goes to open the door. Gamzee immediately darts in, grabs the cuff of Karkat’s pants with his teeth, and starts to pull. 

“Whoa, hey, hey. The hell are you doing?” Karkat jerks his leg back and hears Gamzee’s teeth catch. A small pang of guilt shoots through him but Gamzee doesn’t seem to care that he almost lost a tooth.

“BRRRROW!” He goes for the pant leg again.

“Okay, okay. Give me a minute to put on some fucking shoes. Like hell you’re dragging me around who knows where without them.”

Gamzee must understand something in his tone of voice because he backs off and sits next to the door. He almost seems to vibrate as odd, distressed sounds come out of his throat while his tail twitches in constant, quick movements.

“Was I really out that long?” Karkat grumbles as he checks the clock. It’s already been a couple of hours, and during the dim season, every dark hour counts. Thankfully it isn’t too far along. Eight hours of night to every thirty-six of day is never fun. For now it’s at least about half and half.

“Ske-”

“I know I know, take a cloak. I’m not an idiot,” Karkat says as he walks past Crabdad. He pulls one such item from his closet, sets it into his sylladex along with some goggles, and with a sigh finally switches the modus over to Stack.

He gives Gamzee a side-eye. “Don’t tell Sollux I went to the basic. He’ll never let me hear the end of it.”

“Baooooo-”

“Alright alright, let's get going,” Karkat grumbles as he pulls on his shoes and shoves his keys into his pocket instead of his sylladex. Last thing he needs is to be shooting random junk all over while trying to get to the single item.

The second he opens the door, Gamzee takes off and Karkat lets out a tired sigh. He quickly locks the door behind him, turns away from home, and finds himself jogging to keep up with the yowling furball.

\-----------------------

“Gamzee, come on, we’ve been walking for hours. Where the fuck are you taking me?” 

They’re in the foothills now, a good few hours or so hike from Karkat’s house, and he already knows that this could get bad if they walk much further. If they don’t turn back soon the sun will be up before they can get back. Gamzee, however, doesn’t seem at all deterred as he keeps trekking forwards. 

Far off in the distance, Karkat can see the barest peaks of the mountains and cliffs where the higher bloods live; the forest below it is a strip of deep purple. Right now he’s stuck in the flatlands with barely any shrubbery around him and the only sign of life being the train-tracks on his left.

“Brook.” Gamzee calls over his shoulder. If not for his horns, Karkat would have lost him in the tall grass. 

“This is fucking moronic,” he scolds. “I’m in the fucking foothills during the dim season, the suns going to come up in a couple of hours, and I’m following a goddamn sub-ternian like a woof-beast to a well.” Yet he keeps going. 

Gamzee suddenly disappears next to a low bush. 

“Bronk.” Karkat hears the gentle yowl.

“Gamzee what are you-”

“M-maow.”

Karkat pauses. “Fucking really,” he deadpans before going to his knees. He has to push Gamzee out of the way, but with the light from the moon, he can see another sub-ternian inside the bush. It’s smaller than Gamzee. Well...the body is.

“How in the hell are you fitting in there with those horns!?” Karkat gawks at the size of the horns protruding out from either side of the sub-ternian’s skull. “I can’t believe you even got in...there.” Karkat looks at Gamzee then back at the other. “You’re fucking stuck, aren’t you.”

Gamzee replies with a yowl as the other tries to scuttle back from Karkat. He notices that its head is barely able to move and that only the front paws seem to be gaining any traction. It gives a meager hiss as Gamzee let out comforting sounds. He only pauses for a moment to give Karkat a pleading look before continuing.

“No, oh no. I am not reaching in there to get him, Gamzee,” Karkat says as he gets up. “Nope, no way in hell. He looks like he’ll take a chunk out of me.”

A pitiful ‘bronk’ comes from beneath the tall grass.

“I don’t even think I could pull him out! It’s not like I brought a fucking saw to hack at…god damn it.” His strife-specibus produces a sickle. Karkat looks at the sharp blade and heaves a sigh. “I’m going to regret this.”

Hacking through fibrous bush material takes a lot longer than flesh. For one, Karkat’s sickles are not made for wood, secondly, he has to go slow. Inside he can hear the other sub-ternian thrashing and panicking while Gamzee continues to make soothing noises. For a while it seems to help, that is until one of the local distributor trains shoots past with a roar that has even Karkat gritting his teeth in pain. He doesn’t hear the other sub-ternian freak out as much as watch the bush thrash around. No wonder it got stuck.

“Maaaaaaaow.”

“Oh shut up,” he grumbles as he finally manages to get through a rather thick branch. “I’m trying to help you.” He wrenches the wood apart and is startled to find one end of the sub-ternian’s large horns. Gamzee immediately pushes his head into the hole.

“If you don’t want to lose a horn I suggest you move.” Karkat pushes at Gamzee, and to his surprise, Gamzee allows himself to be pushed away; it doesn’t keep him from whimpering.

“Alright.” Karkat takes a deep breath before going back to work. “Almost there.” Karkat grabs another branch and starts to cut. He is careful not to catch either of the sub-ternian’s horns with his sickle.

“Maaaooow. Maaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooo.” The sound is a warning that makes Karkat nervous.

“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay,” Karkat tries as he finally breaks away the other branch and reveals what Karkat is assuming to be Gamzee’s mate. “I’m just going to get you out of there.”

He receives a hiss from it while Gamzee looks up at him expectantly. With the bush out of the way, Karkat can get a better look at the sub-ternian’s coloring. He is much lighter than Gamzee, a sandy color, and his eyes are a bright bronze. The whiskers on his face are almost non-existent. 

“All right, you-” Karkat says as he starts to reach. “-time to g- Hey!” he jerks his hand back as it swipes and hisses at him. Gamzee darts in and licks at its horn only to get a meager swat and hiss in return. 

Karkat looks over his shoulder and has to squint. Shit. The faintest of glows is already starting out on the horizon, and while that usually wouldn’t be too bad, if he has to try and heard both of these animals back to his hive then there is not enough night left in the perigee. Literally. 

“Okay, we do not have time for this,” he grumbles as he quickly uses his sylladex. The optical coverings come out quickly and he slips them on. A moment later he has the cloak that was under them.

“I’m going to regret this.” Karkat tosses the cloak over the either yellow or bronze-blooded sub-ternian and watches it start to thrash against the fabric.

“Come on, up you go,” he says as he starts bundling the critter up. He feels it try and claw at him with its front claws as he begins to hoist it up by the chest. He isn’t expecting the yowl of pain that follows when he starts to lift its backside.

The cry mixed with Gamzee’s sudden growl almost causes Karkat to drop the wrapped up sub-ternian.

“Shit, is he hurt?”

Gamzee glares at him as whimpering comes from inside the cloak. 

“Fuuuuck.” Karkat looks around before setting the sub-ternian down partially. “He’s going to make some noise but I swear I’m helping.” Karkat gently wraps the cloak around the lower half of the sub-ternian. It gives a few cries, and Karkat has to bite back a hiss as Gamzee darts in and nips at his hand. 

“Cut it out,” he grunts before lifting the creature up. 

Bronze eyes look up at him as the creature snivvles and pushes at him with weak paws. Karkat holds it so that it’s on its back, its horns are perpendicular to his body, and that it can see the world around it. 

“Shh, I got ya,” Karkat says as he pulls the cloak up around its head to try and comfort it. It nips at his hand and tries to swat at him feebly; pain seeming to take most of the fight out of it.

“Come on Gamzee,” he says as he turns back towards his hive. “We’ve gotta go.” When he glances down he finds Gamzee staring up with him. He is carrying his empty, dented food bowl in his mouth, and his eyes are locked onto the whimpering bundle in Karkat’s arms.

Karkat turns towards the rising sun, sets his jaw, and starts walking.


	4. Preening and Pawing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this up so long ago, but apparently, all I'm good for is getting sick these last couple of months. Sorry for the delay!

Getting the large-horned sub-ternian home takes longer than Karkat had expected. Even with how frail and thin he is, Karkat finds him growing heavy after the first hour or so. It’s also harder to walk in the tall grass while unable to put his hands out for balance as he stumbles over bumpy terrain. Gamzee doesn’t make it any easier as he gets underfoot whenever his friend yowls after a stumble or shift. By the time they get home, the sun has already broken over the ridge, and Karkat has the slightest of sunburns starting to darken his skin. 

Crabdad is waiting for them.

“SKREEE!”

“Yes, another one,” Karkat snaps as he makes his way inside. Crabdad responds with a series of clicks and clacks that Karkat completely disregards. 

“I know I’m burnt. I had to use the cloak for this little guy. Now shut up, you’re scaring him.” The sub-ternian in his arms is making some horrified whimpering sounds and there is definitely something warm starting to dampen the bottom of the makeshift sack.

“Damn it,” he grumbles, more to himself than the sub-ternian. It’s not like he had any say in how he was carried. Karkat just prays it’s piss soaking into the sleeve of his shirt and not blood.

Karkat takes him back into the clothing processing and ablutions room with Gamzee right on his heals. He’s barely gets the other set down and unwrapped before Gamzee is sniffing the subtern all over. The sharp scent of urine fills Karkat’s nose.

“Doubt you’re going to be happy in water,” Karkat grumbles as he looks the sub-ternian over. He has much shorter whiskers than Gamzee, a thinner tail, and fluffier fur that has a brownish edge to it. The black fur from the top of the sub-ternian’s head travels down onto his back and the darker markings remind Karkat of wings. His mane is much thinner, more a line than anything else in comparison to Gamzee’s slight mop of fur atop his head. The darker hair stops just above the horns, growing longer, and falls to the side almost like a floppy mohawk.

“You look almost like Rufioh,” Karkat grunts before he stands. “Watch him, Gamzee. I’m going to go find some shit you two can destroy and make into a pile.”

Gamzee curls up next to the other, the urine not seeming to bother him. 

“Now you’ll both need a bath.” Karkat heads into the kitchen. It doesn’t take long for him to ransack one of his old rooms and find his grub clothing. It’s all dusty and worn, but it’ll do the job for now. 

He comes back and dumps it on the floor, forms it into a pile, and then heads back into the kitchen. Like hell he’s putting a dirty sub-ternian into that pile. He grabs a large pan, fills it with warm water and mild soap, grabs a rag and a couple of towels, and returns to the sub-ternians.

“Hey, Gamzee, I need you to backup for a minute.” Gamzee is almost laying on top of the other sub-ternian that is shivering and gently whining beneath him. 

Gamzee doesn’t budge.

“Fine,” Karkat grumbles. “Then you’ll have to wait outside.”

Karkat lifts Gamzee off of the other sub-ternian and almost immediately drops him as he goes fucking insane. Hissing, spitting, yowling; it all pours out of him as he tries to get back down to his friend on the cloak. 

“For fuck sake!” Karkat shouts before tossing Gamzee out the door and then quickly closes it. A paw shoots underneath the door as the yowling turns scared. The sub-ternian on the floor starts to shake even harder.

“No, no, hey, it’s okay,” Karkat says gently as he moves very slowly around it. “You’re okay. I’m not going to hurt you. Just want to get you all clean.” He dunks a rag into the water before ringing it out and going to wipe the sub-ternian down. The little guy doesn’t fight back much, a few swats here and there, but mostly he just lets Karkat start cleaning off his dirty fur. Grime comes away in layers, and Karkat finds that his fur is a much brighter brown than he had thought. All goes well until he reaches his back.

“MAAAAOOOW!” The sound is high and pained, and a claw does make a swat at Karkat, though he misses. He misses by a lot. The sub-ternian is barely able to move to the side before it spasms and lays back on its belly, panting.

“Your back is really messed up, isn’t it,” Karkat says gently as he tries his best not to push hard over the swollen knot just above the sub-ternian’s hips. It lets out another small cry but doesn’t try and turn back towards him. Karkat is gentle under the tail, cleaning away caked on fecal matter and removing as much mud from his inner thighs as possible. He hadn’t noticed before, but the poor guy probably wasn’t able to move much to use the bathroom. As he cleans the sub-ternian’s backside, he inches the cloak out from under him. Karkat replaces it with some absorbent cotton-fiber, which will be easier to clean out than cloth. 

“Alright, that feel better?” Karkat asks as he tosses the soiled rag into the muddy looking water. The subtern doesn’t reply. Instead, it just sits and shakes as pitiful noises come out of him. Karkat reaches out to pet it and it flinches. He pauses a second before he keeps reaching. The sub-ternian flattens himself to the floor but allows the touch. After a short time he even starts to give a weak chirp.

“Someone did a number on you, didn’t they…” Karkat goes to scratch at the base of his horn and watches the flinch before he settles into the scritch. He feels a flare of anger in his chest. “Whoever they are, they’re a fucking asshole.” 

Standing, he goes about arranging the pile of old clothing around the sub-ternian until it just looks like a face and horns popping out of a sea of black and gray. 

“Now just let me wipe Gamzee down and he’ll be back in here with you,” Karkat says before heading into the kitchen. Doing so is harder said than done, what with Gamzee trying to still get under the door, but Karkat manages to wipe him down with fresh water before letting him into the room. He moves Gamzee’s food and water bowls inside as well, checks to make sure the absorbent cotton-fibers don’t need to be changed, and heads out to his husk-top.

“Skree skee-” Crabdad asks from his foam and sand filled cushion.

“Not now.” Karkat’s voice is sharp and it slices his lusus’s sentence in half. “I need to message Dave.”

“Ske?”

“Because I think someone beat the shit out of that subtern and I don’t know what to do here.”

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: YOU WERE RIGHT. GAMZEE HAS A FRIEND.  
TG: told ya  
CG: SAID FRIEND ALSO SEEMS TO HAVE A BROKENSPINE AND I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT TO DO HERE.  
TG: oh shit  
TG: what the fuck happened  
CG: I THINK WHOEVER OWNED HIM MIGHT HAVE DONE IT TO HIM. THERE ISN’T ANY OUTSIDE CUTS OR ANYTHING, SO I DOUBT HE WAS ATTACKED OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT.  
CG: I MEAN HE COULD HAVE FALLEN, BUT WHEN I TRIED TO PET THE LITTLE GUY AFTER I CLEANED HIM UP HE FLINCHED.   
TG: you sure the little guy wasnt just scared  
CG: I DON’T THINK SO. THIS DIDN’T SEEM LIKE AN, ‘OH SHIT I’M SCARED’ FLINCH. WAS MORE LIKE A ‘PLEASE DON’T HIT ME AGAIN’ FLINCH.  
TG: shit  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: SO WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO HERE?  
CG: I’M AFRAID TO MOVE HIM ANYMORE, HE’S ON A BUNCH OF ABSORBENT COTTON-FIBER PADS IN THE CLOTHING ABULATION ROOM, AND GAMZEE PANICS ANYTIME I TRY TO SEPARATE THEM.   
TG: get in touch with equius or horuss  
TG: i know a lot dude but you want those two when it comes to the breaks and shit  
TG: when john fucked his front leg up last sweep equius was the one that came down and set the thing  
TG: horuss has helped dirk some too  
TG: jake had some shit happen with his tail   
TG: almost lost the thing and horuss came over and was able to help dirk fix up the nerves or some shit  
TG: apparently he and equius know more about the body than youd think what with all those hyperealistic robots they make  
TG: both of them helped dirk make jakes companion before we got john  
TG: dirk may be able to come up with some weird shit but if you want realistic go to those two  
CG: GREAT. FUCKING GREAT. OF COURSE THIS HAD TO HAPPEN RIGHT WHEN THEY’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR.  
TG: believe me you bring up a hurt subtern and they’ll be there  
TG: wait whats its blood color  
CG: I’M NOT SURE. I THINK HE’S A BROWN BLOOD. MAYBE ON THE CUSP OF BEING ALMOST GOLDISH?  
TG: then dirk says to go talk to horuss first  
TG: if he’s under an olive blood equius will be less likely to move his ass  
TG: like hell still help for sure  
TG: but horuss likes the lower bloods   
TG: probably because of how much he loves rufioh  
CG: YEAH. OKAY. THANKS FOR THE INFORMATION. I’M GOING TO GO SEE WHAT THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO.  
TG: no problem dude  
TG: anything else happens let me know and if you need help   
TG: you know im just a train ride away

Karkat feels the slightest burn in his cheek as he re-reads the last sentence. He sends one last quick ‘thanks’ before ending the chat and opening up two more. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling electricStallion [ES]

CG: HEY, HORUSS, YOU THERE?  
CG: SERIOUSLY IF YOU ARE I NEED SOME HELP. SHIT HIT THE FAN OVER HERE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  
CG: FUCK.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling electricStallion [ES]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

CG: HEY. YOU THERE?  
CG: I MEAN IT SAYS YOU ARE BUT I’M NOT FUCKING TRUSTING THAT SHIT ICON.  
CG: COME ON, SERIOUSLY, THIS IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHATEVER SHITTY ROBOT YOU’RE WORKING ON.  
CT: I do not have time for this 100d behavior.  
CT: I have much more important business than e%plaining to you why my machines are so much more e%quisit and important in comparison to whatever it is you are f001ing around with.  
CG: NO THEY AREN’T YOU JACK-ASS. NOW ARE YOU GOING TO LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY OR WHAT? 

centaursTesticle [CT]is Away

CG: FUCK IT, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO WAIT FOR YOU TO GET DONE WITH WHATEVER YOU’RE WORKING ON. I’M TRYING YOUR CLUTCH-MATE AGAIN. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling electricStallion [ES] 

CG: HEY, PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE ON HERE.  
CG: YOUR CLUTCHMATE IS BEING AN ABSOLUTE BULGE-SUCKLER AND I CAN NOT DEAL WITH HIM RIGHT NOW WITH ALL THE SHIT FLYING THROUGH MY LIFE’S PROVERBIAL WINDOWS.  
ES: 8=D Hello Karkat. I don’t believe that is a very welcoming stalliontation from you. If you are looking for assistance you should be more elegant in your speech, especially when dealing with the likes of Equius.  
CG: CAN WE NOT DEAL WITH YOUR POLITENESS BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW.  
CG: I HAVE A HURT SUBTERN WITH A BADLY MESSED UP LOWER BACK, OR LEGS, OR SOMETHING, THAT IS CAUSING HIM TO SHIVER AND YOWL AND I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE AS TO WHAT TO DO.  
CG: I ASKED DAVE AND DIRK TOLD HIM THAT I SHOULD COME TO YOU OR EQUIUS FOR THIS KIND OF SHIT, AND EQUIUS IS BEING AN ACID FILLED NOOK ABOUT ALL THIS AND WOULDN’T EVEN LET ME EXPLAIN WHY I SOUND LIKE I’M ABOUT TO CHUCK A BRICK THROUGH A WINDOW.  
ES: 8=D I wouldn’t try and speak with Equius right now.  
ES: 8=D He is being a pompous br*t that refuses to listen to aneighone right now.  
ES: 8=D Though the Rider’s are right to send you galloping to me.  
CG: YOU ARE AWARE THEIR NAME IS STRIDER, NOT RIDER.  
ES: 8=D Of horse I am. Rider is just such a STRONGER sounding name than Strider.  
ES: 8=D Not that Dirk isn’t STRONG already. He can stand against anyone he wants.  
CG: YEAH, WHATEVER. CAN YOU HELP ME?  
ES: 8=D Yes, of horse I can. Is the subtern stable enough for you to come to the mountains?  
CG: I DON’T THINK SO. GETTING HIM OUT OF THE FLATLANDS WAS HARD ENOUGH.  
CG: I THINK HE’S REALLY HURT.  
CG: HE CAN’T USE HIS HIND LEGS AT ALL, AND THERE’S THIS REALLY WEIRD KNOT IN HIS SPINE JUST BEFORE HIS HIPS.   
ES: D=8 That’s not e%ceptional at all.   
CG: NO SHIT.  
CG: SO COULD YOU COME OVER HERE?  
ES: 8=D I can, but you’ll have to have Rider come over to get his manesurements.   
ES: 8=D I can’t bring my entire lab out there to you. I’ll have to clop together a rough design here before I come out.  
ES: 8=D Is there anyhay that you can check if it is his back or lower legs that are the problem?  
CG: BACK I’M PRETTY SURE. HE CAN’T SEEM TO MOVE HIS BACK LEGS AT ALL, I DON’T THINK I’VE SEEN HIS TAIL MOVE EITHER, AND WHEN I CLEANED HIM HE COULDN’T TURN.  
ES: D=8   
ES: D=8 Then it does sound like he has hurt his spinal column.   
ES: D=8 I’ll make sure to tell Rider to take that into account while taking the manesurements.  
CG: I’M GOING TO ASSUME YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT DIRK HERE SINCE I DON’T THINK DAVE KNOWS A HAMMER FROM A HANDSAW.  
ES: 8=D You would be correct.  
ES: 8=D Now please e%cuse me. I need to go get in touch with Rider and let him know what I need measured.  
CG: CAN’T I JUST DO THE MEASUREMENTS? IT’LL BE A GOOD HOUR OR SO BEFORE THEY COULD GET HERE AND BY THEN THE SUNS GOING TO BE UP.  
ES: 8=D Do you know the how to measure a sub-ternian for prosthetics?  
CG: ...NO.   
CG: BUT DIRK DOES?  
ES: 8=D He knows some with the number of robots he’s created in the likeness of trolls and sub-ternians. He had to use Jake’s measurements to create the sub-bot that he used to teach Jake how to stalk.  
CG: OH. I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE.  
ES: 8=D I’ll contact him right away.   
ES: 8=D I’ll be there as soon as he sends me those. For now, just keep the little one company. Plenty of f100ids and things.  
CG: YEAH, OKAY.  
CG: THANKS HORUSS.  
ES: 8=D Anything for a sub-ternian.  
ES: 8=D I don’t know what I would do without Rufioh. 

electricStallion [ES] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Karkat sits back and rubs at his face. Well, at least someone’s going to try and do something. He’s going to have to pull out a recoup-bags for the night if Dirk does come over. 

“Shit, when’s the last time I changed that sopor?” he wonders as he looks over his shoulder towards the stairs. “Where the fuck even is it?”

There is a ding from the computer and orange erupts on the screen. Karkat still isn’t sure why the brown blooded troll likes to use the color, but then again Dave uses a red that is the same as Karkat’s blood and he knows that Dave’s a rust. Must be one of those stupid ‘ironic’ things they are always going on about. 

timaeusTestified [TT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TT: Horuss told me I need to come do some measurements on your lil’ dude.   
TT: I’m grabbing the last train out with Dave. We’ll be there within the next hour.  
CG: WAIT. WHY IS DAVE COMING?  
TT: Figure he can help you subtern-proof your hive since you have two in there now. They really do get into everything.  
TT: We have some left over locks you can put on your cabinetry and keep them out of where they shouldn’t be.   
CG: SHIT. THEN DO EITHER OF YOU HAVE AN EXTRA RECOUP-BAG? I THINK I ONLY HAVE ONE.  
TT: We have two. Don’t worry.  
TT: They have fresh slime and everything. We just visited Roxy a perigee back.  
CG: HOW WAS THAT?  
TT: Salty, as the ocean always is.   
TT: I’ve got to get going. We need to make sure Jake and John will be okay for the night and throw our packs together so we don’t miss the train.   
TT: You wouldn’t happen to own any form of transport would you?  
CG: I HAVE A BIPEDAL MANUAL VEHICLE…  
TT: We’ll catch a Sbuber.   
CG: I’LL PAY YOU BACK, I SWEAR.  
TT: Just have something for the morning meal ready when we get there and we’ll be all good.   
TT: See you soon. 

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Great. Now he really needs to get going. He starts to close the computer when there is another chime. Karkat is surprised to see Equius’s trollian handle.

centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CT: I was not aware you had a hurt sub-ternian.  
CT: I apologize for my rudeness. I am in much the same state of anger and panic.  
CG: WHAT? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO NEPETA?  
CT: Yes, but she was STRONG enough to survive it. She got in a fight with another sub-ternian last night and opened some old wounds she got last perigee from her companion.  
CG: YOU GOT SECOND ONE?  
CT: More that I had. He went missing last perigee.   
CT: They got into a battle, and while Nepeta did hold her own, he was STRONG enough to knock her from her perch and she broke her leg. The same one she broke against last night.  
CT: I was so angry with him for attacking her that I set him outside while I fixed her up. When I went to tend to his wounds he was gone.   
CT: I haven’t seen him since.  
CG: WHERE DO YOU THINK HE WENT?  
CT: I’m not horribly sure. I couldn’t even call for him. I hadn’t named him yet. I was still searching for the perfect one.   
CT: I do fear he may have traversed into Vriska’s territory and became a snack for her lusus. I believe it is what happened to her own sub-ternian.   
CT: Not that she would care.   
CT: No matter how close our b100d, she does not understand the e%treme amount of care it takes to have a sub-ternian.   
CT: Neigh, I think she does, what with that lusus of her’s. I just don’t think she cares to take care of anything else.  
CG: HEY, YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT, AND I’M SORRY NEPETA’S HURT AND ALL, BUT I HAVE TO GET GOING HERE.   
CG: DIRK AND DAVE ARE COMING TO TAKE A LOOK AT THE HURT ONE AND I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING READY FOR THEM TO SHOVE DOWN THEIR PROTEIN CHUTES WHEN THEY GET HERE SINCE THEY’RE MISSING THEIR MORNING MEALS TO DO IT.  
CT: Dirk will be at your hive?  
CG: Uh...YEAH. WHY?  
CT: I hay come and help Horuss with the fittings. He hay be better with circuitry but I know more about metal working.  
CG: YOU JUST WANT TO SEE DIRK.  
CT: I don’t know what would give you that idea.  
CG: WHATEVER. GO WIPE DOWN YOUR KEYBOARD. I CAN ONLY GUESS THAT YOU’RE CURRENTLY MAKING A PUDDLE.  
CT: How dare you presume to be able to direct me.  
CG: WHATEVER EQUIUS. I’VE GOT TO GO.  
CG: HAVE A GOOD NIGHT WITH YOUR ROBOTS AND PAT NEPETA FOR ME.  
CT: I don’t think you have ever e%pressed those sentiments before.  
CT: Having a sub-ternian seems to be doing you some good.  
CG: WHATEVER.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

Karkat leans his head against the back of the couch and sighs. He's exhausted. If anything he just wants to hit the sopor, not play host well into the day. Yet, somehow, Karkat manages to get off his ass. 

“We’re going to have company tonight, so be on your best behavior.” 

“SKeeee-ke?”

“Dirk and Dave. They need to come see the new sub-ternian and see if he’s okay.” Karkat’s answer is somewhat distracted. Fuck, which room is he going to put them in? When’s the last time he even cleaned one besides his own?

“Sreee skre, skeeeee?”

“I don’t know if the subtern is staying or not, okay? I mean, as long as he’s healing he will be but after that...fuck. We’ll figure it out. Just sit there for now and don’t bother them. Last fucking thing I need to deal with is Gamzee attempting to gouge out your optics for looking at his mate or whatever that sub-ternian is.”

Karkat leaves his somewhat grumpy lusus in the living room and heads upstairs. He has a room to clean, food to make, a sub-ternian to check on, and barely enough time to get any of it done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to make up Horuss's trollian handle in this chapter since I could not find any record of one for him. Also, HTML does not like the putting the carrot after his horse face, so yes I am aware that is missing, no I didn't want to figure out how to make it work.
> 
> I believe I caught the worst of the mistakes, but as always, if you see something glaring please let me know!


	5. Meowsuring moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit- FIXED IT! Totally reposted chapter 4 instead of 5. SO SORRY!

Karkat barely has the disk of frozen processed wheat product covered in dairy cultures and sliced grub sausage in the convection block before the bell to his hive rings. 

“Skreeek!” Crabdad calls from his foam filled perch. 

“Yeah, I’ve got it. Not like you have legs or anything.”

Crabdad clacks at him before settling back down in the somewhat presentable living block.

Karkat feels like he’s been swept up in a vortex with how quickly he’s thrown his hive into some sort of completion. The room next to his own is as dusted as he could do quickly, with two cots opened and ready for the porta-coons. He had even put out towels for them -thankfully he had clean ones- and a couple of chairs and things that they could use.

He gets to the door and tugs it open. Outside, two trolls stand covered head to toe in large, shabby traveling cloaks; the only things exposed to the sun are their horns. 

“Hey, Karkat,” one of the figures says, and Karkat can just barely see an easy smile appear in the heavy shadow of the cloak. Karkat glares up at him, not because he’s angry, but because the sun is attempting to blind him.

“Get in here.” He pulls Dave in who is followed by Dirk. 

“Skre.” Crabdad calls with a wave of his claw. The Strider’s wave back. Crabdad clicks happily as he settles back and turns his attention back to the television that is displaying some random documentary. Not about lussi, but something about building skyscrapers. Karkat will never understand his lusus.

“Where’s the little subtern I’m measuring?” Dirk asks as he flips off his hood. Karkat has no idea how his horns don’t hook on it. They raise out of his hair before making a sudden jagged jerk down and taper off almost into straight lines that follow the ridiculous spikes of his hair. They look similar to the ridiculously pointy shades he’s so fond of wearing. His double isosceles triangle symbol sits in a stark orange on his shirt, the centers filled in with brown. It looks like some sort of ridiculous, jagged heart to Karkat, though he’d never say it.

“Resting in the backroom, with Gamzee.”

“That your new lil’dude?” Dirk asks as he undoes his sun cloak and hangs it on one of the hooks up against Karkat’s wall. “Well, I mean the other one.”

“Yep,” Dave replies for him. “Apparently he’s making Karkat’s life a living hell.”

“You learn to love it.” Dirk gives Karkat a small smirk. 

“Yeah, so far it’s been an absolute blast. Destroyed clothing, shit on the floor, a fucking waltz through the flatlands with a hurt subtern while getting friendly with the sun. An absolute fucking bonanza of shits and giggles.”

“Looks like you got a little too friendly with how burnt you are,” Dave points out as he takes off his own cloak. Again, Karkat’ doesn’t understand how they are able to take their hoods off so easily. Dave’s horns are larger than Dirk’s; two tight spirals on either side of his skull, with small nodules coming off of them sporadically all the way to the tip. They almost touched back onto themselves, becoming circles. Karkat has always wondered how his head hasn’t snapped with horns like that. His symbol sits on his chest, something akin to a cog, and the outline is bright red while the inside is filled with his rust color. 

Why they can’t just wear their blood color like everyone else he doesn’t get, but then again he’d be a hypocrite if he ever said anything. He does wear gray after all.

“That bad?” Karkat rubs at the darker flesh of his cheeks and frowns. 

“Nah, least it covers up your blushes.”

Karkat feels his cheeks attempt to warm. 

“Whoops, spoke too soon.” Dave leans in. Karkat shoves his hands over his cheeks. “Still keeping that color a secret?”

“Fuck you, Dave.”

“As awesome as it to see you guys flirting in whatever quadrants you're flipping between, I’d really like to get to measuring up, uh…” Dirk pauses as he uncaptulogs a bag. Karkat can see all sorts of weird angles poking against the sides of the bag. “Have you named the other one?”

“What?”

“Come on, bro. It took you like a week to choose the name Jake.”

Dirk gives Dave a blank look. Dave smirks back.

“No,” Karkat cuts into whatever telepathic conversation is going on between the shades. “I don’t have a name for him. I’m not even sure if he’s staying past this. I have enough issues with one.”

 

“How much shit you just went through to get him here, I’m pretty sure you’ll end up with two. That’s how it happened to Mituna.” Dirk says it as matter-o-factly as possible, as if Karkat won’t have any choice with the sub-ternian. 

“I thought he was just following Sollux in their obsession with twos.”

“Nope. Kurloz showed up with Meulin one night and Mituna couldn’t bring himself to separate the two. Helped that Meulin’s the biggest snuggle-grub on this planet.”

“I think that goes to Cronus, actually,” Dave interjects.

“No, Kankri’s little shit is just a pain in the ass.” 

Dave and Dirk look at Karkat with raised eyebrows. 

“He doesn’t snuggle you, he god-damn conquers your lap. I’m pretty sure my clutchmate can go almost a full perigee without pissing because of that sub-tern. His cling factor is higher than a pair of socks fresh out of the spin-dryer.”

“That bad?” Dave asks.

“That bad.”

“Well, why don’t you two keep chatting about that and I’ll go take care of the subtern in the backroom.” Dirk starts heading towards the door.

“Wait!” Karkat quickly goes with him. “Gamzee’s really protective with him. Let me get his ass out of there before he turns you into a claw-cushion.” 

“He’s fine,” Dirk replies as they walk into the room. “As long as I can work around him then it’s not a problem. I bet he’ll keep his mate calmer too.”

Karkat nods and stops just inside the door as Dirk walks into the small room and sets down his bag. 

“There there, lil’ dude,” he say gently. “I’m hear to help get you all fixed up.”

Gamzee gives a little warning sound while Tavros seems to shrink into the clothing pile. 

“It’s okay, Gamzee,” Karkat says from the door. Gamzee’s head darts to him and then to Dirk who is slowly removing a few items from the bag.

“We’ll be fine,” Dirk tells Karkat with a gentle smile. “Wouldn’t be the first time a subtern took a chunk out of me. Though you and me, we’re blood buddies, right?” He directs the question to the hurt sub-tern, voice gentle, and it seems to calm them some.

“Well...give a shout if he gets pissy.”

Dirk gives a little salute and goes back to pulling out odd rulers, tape measures, a notebook, and his husktop.

Karkat looks on for another moment before turning around. Dave is waiting for him just inside the kitchen. 

“So, where we sleeping?” 

“Follow me.” Karkat heads past him, the mesmerized Crabdad, and towards the stairs. “I think I got the worst of the dust out of your room, but it might still be a little stuffy. Been awhile since anyone has stayed over.”

“That wouldn’t be because a certain hot-blooded troll has refused to let them come sleep over would it?”

Karkat shoots a glare over his shoulder before looking where he’s going. He can’t stop his shoulders from tightening a bit.

“I like my privacy, alright.” The words come out harsh and he doesn’t try to soften them. He’d love to have people over more, really he would. Movie marathons, junk food nights, all that shit the others tell him about. Issue is that rom-coms can equal crying, and red-tinged tears can’t easily be passed off as rust in person.

“Nothing wrong with that,” Dave replies. “Though I’ve got to admit, still waiting on seeing one of your cry-fests in person.”

“Keep waiting.” Karkat yanks the door to the cleaned room across from his. It’s one of the emptier ones, and while he had gotten the worst of the dust off the floor, it still clings to the curtains in graying clumps and it gives the room an odd smell. Karkat steps back to let Dave past.

“You know,” Dave tells him as he walks in with his sylladex. “To be honest, I was kinda hoping we could have one today.” He starts pulling things out of his sylladex. “I mean, Dirk and I are practically day dwellers half the time, so staying up and watching a few rom-coms during the dim season wouldn’t be a problem.”

 

“Are you seriously asking me to watch rom-coms while I have a hurt sub-ternian in my clothing abulation-trap?”

Dave shrugs. “Not like any of us are going anywhere.”

“I can’t tell if you’re being a heartless dick or an opportunist.” 

“Probably a little of both.” Karkat thinks he can see one of Dave’s eyes wink behind his shades, but he can’t be sure. 

“Sure, fine, whatever,” Karkat says as he rubs at his face. To be honest, he’s exhausted, but now he’s a host so any rest he might have gotten is probably more than halved. He starts thinking of all the movies that won’t make him sob like a grub.

“You okay?”

“The fuck do you think?” Karkat leans against the doorframe and starts ticking things off on his fingers. “I have one subtern I can barely take care of, another that is hurt all to fuck, I was attacked by undead a few days ago, Crabdad has become the voice of reason all of a sudden, I’ve barely slept since Gamzee got here, and I’m sunburnt.” 

“You also got cut all to hell. Gamzee do that?”

Karkat’s blood-pusher shoots to his throat.

“W-what?”

“Your hands.” Dave motions to the bandages. “He bite you or something?”

Karkat looks down at his hands. The cuts from the splinters are just about gone, but out of pure paranoia he has continued to cover them even if the scabs look rust enough to be safe. 

“Oh, no…” he stares down at them. “The deck bit me.”

Dave raises an eyebrow. 

“Don’t fucking ask.” Karkat turns back towards the hall. “Are you going to show me these subtern tricks now, or whatever the fuck they’re called?”

Dave follows him across the hall. “As long as you don’t mind me in your room, Mr. Privacy.”

“You’re an insufferable prick, you know that?”

“Only when I try to be.”

Karkat yanks his door open. “Oh, and what are you otherwise?” He turns to find Dave’s trying to look contemplative.

“Well,” Dave muses as Karkat stands in the doorway. “I’d say a master of the beats, layer down of lyrics, captain of the S.S. Badass, and the knight in shining armor that no one sees coming because I’m so damn blinding.”

There is a beat of silence while Karkat stares at him. “You’re about as charming as a croak beast and half as cute.” 

Dave smirks. 

“What?”

“You called me cute.”

Karkat just about slams the door in his face. 

\----------------------------------------------------

Dave shows Karkat a few things that are supposed to help save his possessions. The first is to not leave anything he doesn’t want chewed on in any sort of pile. The more spread out, or hung up, things are the less likely Gamzee will find them enticing.

The second is that using a towel, or an actual recooperacoon top, is the best way to keep the sub-ternians out of the sopor.

“Do you know anyone who actually caps their ‘coon that doesn’t have a sub-tern?”

Dave gives a shrug. “Eh, I’m sure there are. Some trolls are anal about dust and stuff getting in there. Personally I don’t give a shit since I can’t feel any difference, but I’m sure that there are some sea dwellers who do it. I think Roxy kept her’s capped before she got Jane. Something about dust and shit irritating her sensitive gills.”

“I guess I could see that, her being the next Empress and all,” Karkat grumbles as he pops the cap in place. It’s nothing more than a thin, collapsible cloth cap that he had shoved in the back of his closet sweeps ago. Along the rim he can see some small tears in the cloth, probably from having so much junk piled on top of it. Digging it out had not been fun.

“Think that’ll be a problem?” he asks as he points out one such tear.

“Only if Gamzee’s addicted. In that case you might need to buy one of those plastic ones.”

Karkat groans. 

“Hey, it’ll be alright dude.” He gives Karkat’s elbow the gentlest of paps, and Karkat finds that he actually might be open to more. A comforting pap would be nice after all this shit, but he is definitely not pale for Dave, and he knows Dave is pale as pale can be for Dirk. Still...even just a friendly platonic pap on the head or shoulder would be nice...

“Do you think Dirk’s done yet?”

“Probably. I mean, it doesn’t take long to measure, and we’ve been up here for like ten minutes so-”

“Shit!” Karkat whips around and shoots out the door. Dave runs out with him.

“What?” he calls as they stomp down the stairs.

“I forgot about dinner!” Karkat quickly skids into the kitchen where he finds Dirk slicing said dinner with Crabdad standing right behind him.

“Hope ya don’t mind. I heard the timer go off and thought I grab this before it turned out as burned as you.”

Crabdad clicks something at him, though Karkat ignores it.

Karkat’s shoulders drop. “Yeah, thanks, Dirk.” 

Dirk grabs some paper disks from their place on the counter, drops a slice on it, and hands it to Crabdad who quickly scuttles off. 

“Guessing you finished up with the sub-tern.” 

“Yep,” Dirk replies as he hands Dave and Karkat a plate and then grabs one for himself. “Lil’ guy was trembling the whole time though. I think you might be right. Never seen a subtern that scared of trolls without some sort of violence being included.” He frowns before taking a bite.

“And Gamzee?”

“Eh, got my arm once while I was measuring the other’s haunches.” He lifts his arm and shows where a fresh adhesive hematologic fluid collector has been place. “Besides that he wasn’t bad.”

“Should I send the info off to Horuss?” 

“Already did,” Dirk replies around a mouth full of food. “He’ll be here at sundown, most likely with Equius in tow. I swear, those two may not have an actual romance going anywhere, but if anyone on this planet has a platonic kismesitude, it’s those two.”

“Clutch mates, you either pity ‘em or hate ‘em.”

“You would know,” Karkat chuckles.

Dirk points his plate at Karkat. “Pretty sure you and Kankri might fall in that platonic-black spectrum too ya know.” 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. There is-”

Dave cuts in quickly. “Sooooo, since we’ve got some time to kill…” He looks over at Karkat.

Karkat gives a dramatic sigh. “Fine. I’ll grab some movies, though we’re going more comedic tonight.”

“Awwww. And here I was all ready to daintily dab at my eyes all morning.”

Karkat gives Dave a slight punch as he walks by though he can’t help but smirk. 

He watches Dave shove a rather large bite into his mouth, but Karkat doesn’t miss his smile either. He rushes to his movie stash so Dave won’t have a chance to wonder if his cheeks are just rusty from the sunburn or something else.


	6. A Gaggle of Guests

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally forgot to change chapter 5 from a draft to an actual chapter so...two chapters tonight!

When Dirk had told Karkat that Horuss would be there at sundown he hadn’t been exaggerating. Karkat had gotten up only because of Gamzee’s demand for food, but when he realizes it's almost sundown, he plops down on the couch to wait and his eyes droop shut.

He had stayed up way too late with the Striders, well into the morning, watching three different rom-coms that he could barely keep his eyes open during. He had made it halfway through the last one before he had ended up with his head on Dave’s shoulder. He’s still not sure how long that lasted, but when he had opened his eyes to the ending credits’ song, he had found Dave looking down at him with a smile he hadn’t seen before. The image of that smile had kept his mind spinning long after they had all said good morning and headed to their recoopricoons.

Karkat doubts it’s been more than ten minutes before he jerks awake from a doze to the sound of a knock. On tired legs, he drags his backside off the couch and stumbles for the door.

Karkat is halfway to the door when there is another knock. Behind him, he can hear a sleepy ‘Skree’ from Crabdad.

“I’m co-”

He’s cut off by a muffled voice.

“No, Horuss, like this.” The next knock isn’t quite a knock, though a fist is definitely involved. Karkat jumps back as knuckles make a beeline through the wood of the door and towards his nose.

Karkat lets out a squawk as he finds his ass on the floor. The hand recedes, and Karkat can see easily through the fist-sized hole in the door.

“Really, Equius? How do you still have such a problem controlling your strength?” Horuss hisses.

Karkat sees someone shift uncomfortably outside.

“Well your pony knocks didn’t seem to be doing much.” 

“They were fine!” Karkat calls as he gets up. 

Equius’s face finds its way to the hole, cracked sunglasses looking in.

“Oh, Vantas, there you are. Open this door.” Karkat hears a stomp outside and watches Equius’s face flinch in pain. “Please.”

Karkat glares at him but walks forwards, grabs the handle, and jerks the door open. He finds the two Zahhak clutch mates outside. Equius’s hair hangs limp and damp around his face while Horuss’s is pulled back with just the roots looking oily. Instead of cracked glasses like Equius, he wears steel-rimmed goggles that are just slightly dented around the sides while the glass is intact.

“Good evening, Karkat,” Horuss says as Karkat sidesteps to let the two large trolls inside.

“Please explain what the fuck is so good about it so far?” 

Horuss looks like he’s about to say something when footsteps can be heard on the stairs.  
Karkat turns to find Dave and Dirk at the foot of the steps, both of them still tugging down their shirts. Crabdad’s head peeks out of his room, tiny eyes looking bleary with sleep.

“Let me guess, Equius broke your door,” Dirk deadpans while Dave gives a large yawn.

Equius shifts a bit from one foot to the other before saying somewhat sheepishly, “It was an accident, I assure you.”

“I know, Equius. You just can’t help how ‘strong’ you are and all that.” Dirk doesn’t sound amused even with the joking tone.

“Hello, Dirk,” Horuss says as he closes the door behind him. Karkat is pleased when the rest of the door stays intact. Not so pleased when he notices the dents in the doorknob.

“Hey ya, big guy,” Dirk replies with a slight smile. “Ready to get to work?”

“We both are,” Equius cuts in.

Karkat can already feel a headache starting.

“Why don’t you patch that hole up first, Equius,” Dirk replies as he heads towards the kitchen. “I know Karkat would appreciate it.”

“Skakree!”

“And Carb-dad,” Dirk adds. Crabdad gives a click of approval before disappearing back into his room.

Equius give a sharp nod and Karkat can see sweat start to roll down his cheeks.

“Of course, Dirk. That would only make sense. I’ll join you and Horuss for the fine-tuning.” 

Karkat jumps back as Equius removes what looks like a full workbench from his sylladex.

“Little warning?” he snaps as his toes just barely miss being crushed.

Equius looks at Karkat, glances over to Dirk’s retreating back, and then murmurs an apology before he turns to measure the hole.

“Come on, Karkat,” Dave says as he snags his arm. “He’ll get that fixed up for ya. Let’s go see what Horuss has cooked up for the lil’ guy.

Karkat lets Dave lead him through his own kitchen and back towards the back room where Dirk and Horuss are. He can hear gentle words and small growls. 

The now somewhat familiar sound of Gamzee flipping out is followed by Dirk quickly coming out of the backroom with the hurt subtern and Horuss following with Gamzee held out at arm's length.

“What are-”

“Is this one yours?” Horuss ask, cutting Karkat off as he holds the panicking Gamzee up as if it were nothing. 

“Uh...yeah.” Karkat looks between Gamzee and the sub-ternian that Dirk is laying out gently on the kitchen table.

“I see. When did you get him?” Horuss continues to look at Karkat, as if there is no chance of him losing flesh at all. 

“About a week ago. Would you put him down? I think you might be hurting him.”

“Oh, no I promise I’m not,” Horuss’ voice sounds slightly horrified at the thought. “I just need to keep him away from the other during the procedure and was wondering where you would like me to put him.”

“Well, uh, the backroom is fine.” 

Horuss nods, turns, and heads back into the room he had left.

“Now it’s alright,” Karkat can hear him saying. “We’re going to get your matesprit set to rights and then you can both go outside together again. Just stay right here, and-” Karkat didn’t think Horuss could move as quickly as he does, though when he shuts the door he does seem careful not to accidently take off Gamzee’s head. Two claws immediately spring out from under the door and howling can be heard.

“You okay?” Karkat asks.

“Fine, fine, though I think Equius will want to see him when we’re done here.”

“Why?” Karkat leans against the kitchen counter.

“Because, I do believe that is the sub-ternian that went missing from his hive a while back.”

Karkat feels his stomach drop. “W-what?”

“Dude, you serious?” Dave asks. “How the hell did he make it all the way down here?”

Horuss shrugs. “I have no idea, but from the images he had sent me before the fight with Nepeta, he looks very similar.”

“Similar or not, we’ve got a job to, Big’ man,” Dirk cuts in.

“Of horse.” Horuss taps at his sylladex and another workbench appears. This one, at least, is let out well away from everyone else, but within reach of the table. He looks over at Karkat. “Would you mind calming him down for us?” Horuss motions to the sub-ternian.

“Me?”

Dirk answers for Horuss. “You saved him, pretty sure that means you’re his favorite here.”

Karkat looks at the whimpering and shivering form of the sub-tern. His large, brown eyes look straight up at him before darting between the two trolls on either side. 

“Hey, hey,” Karkat says gently as he leans down. “It’s okay. These guys are going to help you out.” He reaches out, watches the subtern flinch slightly, and then scratches under his horns. He immediately falls into the scratch, his odd little purr peaking through. 

“Keep doing that,” Dirk says softly. 

“Yeah, you’re okay,” Karkat says as he starts scratching under his other horn as well. “You’re a strong guy, aren’t ya. Got all the way here with Gamzee and still kicking...kind of.” The subtern gives a little jerk and whimper, and Karkat looks up to see that Horuss is pulling away a needle.

“It’s just a numbing agent in case he has any feeling anywhere else. Keep talking to him; you're doing excellent.” 

“That wasn’t too bad, was it?” Karkat asks him. “Didn’t even cry. Me, I’d have shit myself. I hate needles. Fucking things put me on edge like you wouldn’t believe, but you took that like a champ.” Horuss holds up something else, a little mask-like object, and moves forwards.

“This will put him to sleep while we work. See if you can keep him calm while Dirk slips it on him.”

“How are you going to do that?” Dave asks. “His horns are massive.”

Horuss gives him a superior smile. “Your clutch mate warned me in advance.” He tugs and the band stretches unbelievably wide.

Dave gives a nod. “Touche.”

“Can you put it on him already? I think he’s getting freaked out again,” Karkat murmurs as he keeps scratching and petting him. The sub-ternian’s eyes, however, are now trained on the mask.

Horuss nods before handing the mask over to Dirk. In less than a blink, Dirk has the mask on the sub-ternian’s face, and the straps are cinched tight.

“Whoa, whoa, it’s okay,” Karkat says as the sub-ternian panics a little. His front paws scratch at the table, a scared noise comes from his mouth, and Karkat does his best to hold him in place while still being gentle. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He pets him around his shoulders and back, watches his eyes droop, and then the sub-ternian goes almost completely still if not for his breathing. 

“Is he going to be okay?” Karkat asks as he looks down at the sub-ternian. Even in sleep, he seems on edge as Horuss and Dirk start putting on gloves. Horuss pulls out something that looks like half of a metal skeleton; half of a spine, two chrome legs, and a tail looking thing with more joints than Karkat can believe. With it he pulls out a few tools and sets them on the table.

“He’ll be fine,” Dirk replies. He looks past Karkat to Dave. “Mind being a distraction?”

“Hey, what else am I good for?” Dave lays a hand on Karkat’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s go see if Equius has finished that door of yours.”

Karkat follows him, though he can’t help but look over his shoulder at the sleeping sub-tern. 

_’Damn it, Dirk,’_ he thinks to himself. _’You were right.’_ He looks at Dave. “What’s something I need for two sub-terns?” Karkat asks, defeat in his voice.

Dave grins. “Definitely something climbable. Once that lil’ guy has his legs back he’ll be climbing everything.” 

“Have they already started?” 

Karkat just about jumps out of his skin as Equius appears before him.

“Don’t do that,” he gasps.

“Or, ya know, keep doing it.” Dave’s voice is smug as hell, and Karkat feels anger blossom in his chest.

“Why would-” Karkat starts before he realizes he is somewhat clinging to Dave. He quickly separates himself. 

Equius clears his throat. “I’ll see if they need any help.” He sidesteps around them and heads back into the kitchen. 

“If he gives me a blood-pusher episode I’m blaming you.”

“That’s fa-”

“Tavros?” 

Karkat pauses and looks into the kitchen. “Who’s Tavros?”

Equius spins around and quickly comes back to them. “Karkat, I demand to know where you found Tavros and how.”

“If you mean the sub-tern, I found him in the fields out near the train tracks, and why do you keep calling him Tavros?”

“Because that is Vriska’s sub-ternian laying on that table!”

A muttered ‘I thought he looked familiar’ comes from the kitchen, though Karkat doesn’t really notice it. His brain is too busy spinning. 

_‘How the fuck? She’s in the mountains. How could…_ Karkat’s stomach roils. “I-I have the spider-bitch’s subtern?”

“While I agree with the sentiment, you should not be referring to a higher caste in that manner,” Equius sniffs. “But yes, that brat is the official owner of that sub-ternian.”

“She’s the one who broke his back?”

Equius opens his mouth, pauses, and then bristles. “That absolute wench. How could she do such a darn thing? All of that neighing about trying to teach him to be stronger. I should have known she was just torturing the poor thing. Probably didn’t even care when it happened, just left him to fend for himself to teach him a lesson. Excuse my language, but she is one of the more horrible trolls I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. ”

“And she’s a bitch too,” Dave adds. Equius doesn’t seem to hear him, or at least pretends not to.

“You’re not going to tell her, are you?” Karkat feels sick. Seriously? Of course, he’d have to learn Tavros has an owner right after realizing he wants to keep him.

“Of course not.” Equius’s voice is stern. “She hurt him, barely ever fed him, and was a horrible subtern parent. Maybe if I thought this was an accident I would, but knowing how she treated that poor thing I would never even consider putting him back into harm's way. Now if she treated him anything Aranea treats Meenah then maybe, but Meenah is such a rare breed I think anyone would be a fool to cause her harm.”

The knot in Karkat’s stomach loosens a little. He slumps, right into Dave, and he really doesn’t mind it. He finds that he also enjoys the tentative arm Dave puts over his shoulder; less work for him to try and stay upright.

“Thank you.” The relief doesn’t last long. “Uh…” He glances up at Dave and steps away. The hand holds on for just a moment before it lets him go.

“Equius, was your other subtern wasn’t a purple-blood, was he?”

The question seems to startle Equius. “Yes, why?”

“And when Nepeta got in a fight with that other sub-tern, what did she do to him?”

Equius seems to swell with pride. “Why, my little hunter gave a strong scratch across his face. I was amazed he didn’t lose his eyes.”

“Three deep scratches, right?” Karkat’s blood-pusher is hammering.

“I...yes.” Equius cocks his head. “You’re not inferring what I think you are, are you?”

“I think Gamzee is your missing subtern.”

Equius stands still for a moment, his shoulder go stoney, and he takes a deep breath.

“I knew he was strong,” he says as he turns to the kitchen. “He must have dragged Tavros down here all on his own. If I had known how fond he was of him I would have taken Tavros in myself.” He has a strange smile on his face. “I knew I had chosen the best one out of the herd.”

“Your...your not going to take him back, are you?” Karkat is surprised at the shaking in his voice.

Equius jerks. “I...well I did pay a fair amount for him.” He looks back through the kitchen, no doubt at the paws under the door. The yowls have since fallen away, though now and again a pain noise whispers into the room. 

Karkat feels sick again, his eyes even feel a little wet. The fuck is he going to do? He was just getting used to Gamzee, and no doubt he would be around more now that Tavros is safe, meaning he’d actually get to have the little guy around during the evenings too. He realizes that he had been looking forwards to that. 

Karkat’s breathing picks up some, and he squeezes his eyes shut.

Dave makes a harsh throat clearing and Karkat jerks a little as he looks up at him. 

Equius looks at Dave, then Karkat, and turns slightly blue. “T-though Nepeta did not like him in the least, and I fear that he would not fare well with her, or her with him. There would be a death no doubt with two strong personalities like theirs conflicting.”

“So you’re going to let him keep Gamzee, right?” Dave throws his arm back around Karkat.

“Of course. Though, excuse me. I believe Dirk needs my help. Lowbloods do tend to be more clumsy in their movement.” He quickly walks away, Dave’s shades glued to him.

“Prick,” he grumbles.

“The hell did you just do?” Karkat whispers.

“Used the fact that I’m his flush crushes moirail to your advantage.”

Karkat looks up at him, stunned, and can’t stop the slight wetness that tingles over his cheek. His hand immediately jerks up to wipe it away, but Dave catches the tear first. He goes to flick it away, pauses, and brings it close to his face. 

Karkat feels sick for a whole different reason.

_’Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Great, now I’m going to be culled. He’s going to have me culled. Holy shit what am I going to do. I-’_

“Well will you look that that,” Dave murmurs. “You’re my favorite color.”

Karkat gets the urge to punch him, kiss him, and laugh all at the same time. He ends up hugging him and hiding the rest of his tears in Dave’s shirt where the color is simply absorbed.

\----------------

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: So hows tav doing  
CG: HOLY GOD HE WILL NOT STOP MOVING. I SWEAR HE’S WORSE THAN GAMZEE. AT LEAST GAMZEE GOES FUCKING COMATOSE AFTER HE EATS, TAVROS JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND AND SEE HOW MANY THINGS HE CAN KNOCK OVER WITH THOSE BULLDOZERS HE CALLS HORNS.  
CG: I SWEAR IF HE MAKES HIMSELF SICK AGAIN I AM BUYING HIM ONE OF THOSE SPECIAL BOWLS THAT HE HAS TO DIG THE FOOD OUT OF HIMSELF.  
TG: so hes doing good  
CG: YES.  
CG: TELL DIRK THANK YOU AGAIN FOR ME. HE AND HORUSS DID A PHENOMENAL JOB GETTING HIM MOBILE AGAIN. SPEAKING OF WHICH, HOW WAS IT HAVING HORUSS OVER THERE?  
TG: not in the past tense yet  
TG: he and dirk havent come out of the basement   
TG: equius has probably blown a gasket at this point but i keep telling him hes got a shot in black  
TG: after dirk picked horuss over him for a possible matesprite i think things might be heading that way  
CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HORRIBLE IDEA.  
TG: i dont know maybe a strong willed hatefuck will get equiuss priorities in gear  
CG: I NEVER WANT TO READ THAT SENTENCE EVER AGAIN.  
TG: sorry  
TG: didnt mean to make you think about angry blue troll bulge ramming my bro  
CG: HOLY GOD WHY DO I PUT UP WITH YOU?  
TG: because youre my favorite color  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
TG: we still on for this weekend  
CG: YOU BET YOUR ASS WE ARE AND YOU WILL CRY!  
TG: well see  
TG: if i do you can wipe away my tears this time  
CG: WHATEVER.  
CG: DO YOU THINK EQUIUS WILL KEEP HIS PROMISE ABOUT NOT TELLING VRISKA? I MEAN, IF HE WANTED TO GET BACK AT DIRK THAT WOULD DEFINITELY BE A WAY TO DO IT.  
TG: i think he will  
TG: believe me he is pissed as hell about tavros and even more pissed that he cant say shit about him without possibly giving you away  
TG: but you know her she might just snag the information from him out of the blue  
CG: THAT IS NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO THINK ABOUT.  
CG: OH LOOK, I DON’T HAVE TO. GOT TO GO. TAVROS IS DOING THE HUNGRY CRY AND HE WILL NOT STOP UNTIL HIS BOWL IS FULL.  
TG: alright then talk to you later  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: <3  
CG: YOU’RE AN IDIOT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: <3

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

Karat closes the husktop with a smile, stands up, and stretch. He looks over towards the door to the kitchen where Tavros sits, his tail moving thanks to the metal that lines it. 

“Moooow.” 

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” 

“Broooooonk.” Gamzee’s head pops out from behind the couch. 

“Don't you get started t-” 

“Skreee!” 

“Okay!” Karkat cries. “Food for everyone. Holy shit you’re all a bunch of needy little bastards.” 

Gamzee rubs against Karkat’s leg as he passes, Tavros gives his shin a slight head-bump, and Karkat refuses to admit that he’s smiling as Crabdad follows him into the kitchen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the story, and if you would ever like something for yourself, go over to my tumblr page and see what I'm up for!

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters will be posted as they are finished for the commissioner. This is sporadic since they go through a much heavier editing process than most of my other works. Just a heads up!


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